The birds and the bees

This is sort of a post, you might not be okay with, I don’t know! I mean, it is totally normal, but ‘reader’s discretion is advised’. I giggled while writing that. Coming from a girl who snorts every time she sees Dick’s sporting goods.

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I have not received the talk from my parents. Although I remember, after I got my first cycle, my mom told my dad that ‘PB badhi ho gayi’( PB has matured). The statement was cringe-worthy and I started crying! My dad was visiting from Pune where he had just moved for a new job, and we were supposed to move after my school ended the session.

I have figured everything out mostly on my own. Since I got my cycles only in 8th grade, I had been through a great number of ‘Growing up’ sessions in school. Our class teacher in 7th was also our Moral Science teacher and we went through a chapter about love and making babies. In 8th, 9th and 10th and in great detail in 12th, my teachers did not ignore the topic, but took it well and explained everything out to us. My school in 7th and 8th was a girl’s school and my teacher encouraged us to ask us questions. At first we were hesitant, and then slowly hands started raising up. She spoke to us so well and debunked all the childish myths we had. She dealt with it so well, considering the delicate threshold of teenage that we were on. The best session we had was in 12th. It was the junior college with both guys and girls and we were on the chapter of reproduction for Bio II. Since it was advanced Biology, we were learning the micro details including cells, tissues and hormonal reactions. I will never forget how our zoology teacher took the session. I will take a leaf or two out of her book whenever I have kids. The confidence she showed about considering us as young adults who might be on the paths towards an active intimate life, was astounding. She was simply amazing! That was pretty much the age when people start dating. She took complete consideration of the fact that some young minds were not into it, while some must have started thinking about it. I think she changed my idea about seeing s*x as something ‘ewwwww’ or ‘against the culture’ to something that is completely one’s own discretion to be respected. Because of her, I neither consider virginity as a virtue, nor see s*x as something that everyone MUST have as soon as they hit adulthood. It is totally up to the individual. They want to abstain till marriage, fine, they want to get physically intimate, that is fine too. It should be about comfort. I shall not lie that I dont get a li’l stunned when girls my age tell me that they have an active s*x life, but that moment now lasts for just a few minutes. Those moments don’t even exist when it comes to the s*xcapades of my gora friends! 😉 But I do think I have a healthy and mature attitude towards s*x and I don’t get embarrassed about it. It is what it is.

On the other side, after my 12th, I realized how important biology lessons are! Some of my friends have no idea about their own bodies! It shouldn’t be an embarrassment to learn about your own anatomies. It is your own body after all, and it should be taken care of, loved and cherished.

My parents and I have had a somewhat healthy relationship. I have not actively told them about my boyfriends except the xBF, but they seemed to always know. About the BF number 2, they saw some of my texts and sat me down to talk about it. I lied through my teeth. But my parents never told me to break it off or anything, but they just told me how they felt he isn’t the person I deserve. My dad believes in letting me fall so that next time I step more carefully. He wants me to have my own experiences. Although he does look out for me to cushion my falls as much as he can.

There have been so many times my father has bought sanitary napkins for me and my mom. I used to cringe earlier when my mom would tell my dad to go and buy the packs for us. She told me that it is as normal as bathing, wearing a bra, or going to the loo. Yet, when I am home and give a list of stuff to my father to get from the pharmacy, I always tell him to not look at it and give it in the chemist’s hand, directly! And he ALWAYS opens it promptly and proceeds to read it aloud in front of me to embarrass me further. Uggghh!

But now, although I don’t normally openly announce if I am down, but can I tell my friends why I cant go to the gym or why I am looking very sickly. There is no point and no reason to hide it.

I can get away with saying ridiculous things to my mom. We openly discuss dogs’ s*x lives. She describes to me in great detail about how the new female forced Chintu(our semi-adopted 13 year old doggie) to get up from his slumber, and how he tried for a min with a limping leg, gave up and plopped back on the ground and went on to snooze while the female tried to wake him up again. She had once told me how my dog Moony was helped by my dad to reach the height of a taller female. All dad’s tries were in vain though and my dog seems to be perfectly happy with his third base and refuses to go for a home run.

I can still have normal conversation with my mom. But I know for a fact that when the time comes to tell her that I am preggers, it is going to be the most embarrassing moment of my life, next to when I will be seeing her for the first time after getting married. That will be the real deal.

PS : My parents CAN be totally WEIRD. There is a newspaper we used to get for free with our TOI. Pune Mirror. It has a column called ‘Ask the S*xpert’. The questions asked in it are absolutely hilarious and beyoooonnnddd stupid! After a few days, I noticed that the page was starting to be cut out. Like, legit, cut out. Only the section containing that column!?! My parents thought I wouldn’t notice? Haaaah!

PPS : My first google chat ever to the xBF, then just a friend who I had met a few times at Abhi’s place, involved a case of confused identity and I had accidentally revealed to him that I was down. 😀

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29 thoughts on “The birds and the bees

  1. ahh… this is… illuminating 🙂
    Its easy for me to shrug things off with “its no biggie”, but on some level it kind of is. Not a bad thing but the culture somehow puts a lot of things in the forbidden basket. You really do have amazing parents. Not weird, amazing and understanding.

    My ex was a normal girl, and I enjoyed making such girls uncomfortable. First chat, and I asked her the colour of her nips! After we started going out, we had a talk about it. Not that she liked it but she was like- why would you ask something like that. I still don’t know what the big deal is- yahi sab sochte rehte hain, humne do min mein problem solve kar li khud se. 🙂
    A few months back, my mother asked me ” why are you so down? Kya nahin hai tumhaare pas? “. I shot back,” kaam aur paisa k alaava aur bhi zaruratein hain meri. Unka kya!”. * Silence* And, I wasn’t even pissed off 😛

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  2. Okay so much to say! I like you never got a formal talk on the subject from my folks and unlike you had lousy bio teachers. So a lot of the information gained between classes 7- 12 was from friends.College came by and we all were a little more informed thankfully.Oh and My folks too saw some incriminating texts between me and then bf, now husbadoo years ago and I don’t think what part shocked them more – the physical nature or the fact that I hid an emotional relationship. I like to think it is the latter. The morning after our wedding, my folks came to pick us up at the hotel we were put up for at night and take us to register our marriage . Facing them was kind of weird..I dunno why..oh and even funnier was when my mom asked if we had the champagne and cake and the husbadoo responded promptly with – ” No, we had better things to do!” I almost died . And traveling with them and my in laws to religious places for a week after the wedding was weird too as we had a separate room booked for us! Almost felt wrong to disappear in there each night! Oh and telling them I was pregnant over the phone was slightly weird at first…especially to my dad but think the euphoria was so much more at both ends that it masked the embarrassment. I can discuss getting pregnant with my mom easily without so much as mentioning the word sex,dunno why. Just the way we were raised. Hope to change things with my daughter.

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    • Hahaha! OMG! Your wedding story made me laugh! My cousin brother and bhabhi got pregnant within the first couple of months of their marriage. My mom asked them, like, werent they literate or something? Haha! I totally knew what she meant and I couldnt stop grinning. We have a puja after marriage called ganeshpujan after which the bride and groom can stay together. My mausi mausaji planned on keeping it after the reception which was 7 days away. My mom told them that they were being ridiculous and made them do it after a day itself. So somewhere, my mom was responsible for the ‘rabbit-giri’.

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  3. Awww….hamari PB badi ho gayi….i never knew 😉

    Exact same thing my mom said to dad, in tamil though. He grinned and ran to see the calender. Its a big thing for us, nagercoilians. Ugh. I was hiding in my room and seething at my mom. She is shameless, that woman. I had once kept a bra away to be thrown out. Me n dad were watching TV and in walks my mom with the bra held out, each hand holding one shoulder strap, and asking me why i would want to throw out a perfectly good bra? I kept gaping at her like a gold fish and she went on to ask if the cups were too tight or the straps were falling off..I was mortified…in front of my dad??!! Can i not expect SOME discretion from my own mother?

    Waise, im a little weird with my parents when it comes to these things. When i ‘badi hui’ i told my mom a day late. I told my friend, Som, first. I didnt tell mom that im telling you this a day late. So she did some weird nagercoil rituals all a day late. She kept asking me if i was sure of the date. I kept lying, i really dont know why. So all the rituals were done on the wrong dates. Probably that’s why a lot of ills befell me later on in life? Luckily, my dad has a bit of good sense. He refused to celebrate my ‘badi ho gayi’ the way tamilians are known to do it *huge sigh of relief*.

    And i totally share ur feelings about getting pregnant and telling ur parents. I have already made my plans. The day i get pregnant, i’m gonna go live in a different country for a year. Once the baby comes, ill come back to India and claim to have found it at my doorstep in a very pretty koffee with karam type hamper basket. To make this more convincing, i wont take my husband along with me. So you know, the baby HAD to have come from somewhere else.

    This has turned into a post in ur comments section. I should maybe write one on this topic too.

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    • Haha! The bra thing must have been embarrassing! I got the idea of this post from you only. When you wrote how your teacher skipped the Bio chapters, I thought of that as pretty ridiculous and immature of them. And if we think about it, half of the gender issues that arise are because of that feeling of general shamefulness. Our teachers need to step up somewhere and so do our parents.

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      • Actually! We don’t talk about anything. I took me a month to tell my mom that one of our family friends who lived near me in Atlanta was pregnant. Infact, i never told her. Then the friend told my mom herself. My mom asked me why i didnt tell before…i pretended to have forgotten coz it wasnt a ‘big deal’. I just cannot say the word ‘pregnant’ in front of them. Till about 3 years back i couldnt even say the word ‘marriage’. I would say ‘function’. “Don’t we have to go to xyz’s that function?”. But now im very comfortable saying “dont we have to go to xyz’s wedding?”. That, i believe is major improvement.

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  4. LOL. Couldn’t stop laughing. I have absolutely no inhibitions when it comes to talking about sex with my parents. Menstrual cycles, bra sizes, other people’s sex lives, nothing is taboo. My dad often folds and puts away our bras after they are washed and we have no qualms about it.

    Despite how comfy I am talking about other people’s sex lives with my parents, I will cringe and DIE at the thought of discussing my own sex life with them. When Mint and I are staying at my parents place, I insist on keeping the bedroom door open when taking an afternoon nap. I keep telling him, “I don’t want them to think we are doing it now”. He keeps telling me they must think we do it all the time anyway, so might as well shut the door. If at all the door is actually locked and they knock, I panic and want to open the door immediately – because, what if they think we took long to open the door because we’re doing it. You see where this is going ? 😀

    I really want to adopt a child instead of choosing to have my own, so I am not sure I will have to face the embarrassment of breaking the ‘I’m pregnant’ news to them. But I still wonder, if at all we have to face an unplanned pregnancy, how will I say it to them? I feel so stupid. *Laughs some more *

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    • I think i will never ever shut my door at my parents’ place. Ever! Lol.
      I always hide my bras at home in India. It reminds me of how my dad had to take me to this store in the old Pune area, People’s store. It sells UGs. And I told him to stand outside the complex and i will pop in and out. He insisted he will come and I got so mad t him! Haha! Told him not to be creepy and made him stand for 20 min outside! The store is this weird old place and always full of women wanting ‘Battees Chautees Bs’! Its a weird store.

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  5. 😀 I got my periods for the first time exactly on my birthday and when it happened,I was scared and shocked because well,I did not know a thing about periods then. That year we girls had a separate session on how we should start wearing the appropriate UG as we all were growing up. A year later when I moved to Pune in an all-girls’ school, my teachers and classmates were all cool about periods and in fact,we even had extra pinafores in case anyone got theirs and stained during the school hours.
    The Biology lectures went well too except in my co-ed junior college when our teacher skipped the last few pages filled with information and diagrams about the mammary glands. That did become the “hot” topic of conversation in class 😛
    And I just CANNOT talk to mom about periods and especially the UG. I get too embarrassed to even tel her if I need a new one 😛

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    • Haha! I can tell my mom about periods and stuff. I get terrible cramps, so when I was at home, she would give me a hot water bottle and meds.
      I tell mom about my UG shopping too. She wonders why do I need Victoria’s Secret. Haha. My dad annoys me by asking what is Victoria’s Secret whenever he sees the bags. I take their lotions and stuff as gifts for people in India.
      But now mom wants to try their stuff! Lol.

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      • Haha. I love how your dad teases you 😆
        Well,I don’t know why I feel embarrassed. Maybe because of the questions that may shoot back at me. 😛
        I want to try Victoria’s Secret too,someday soon 😉 😀

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  6. Oh boy.. I cant even imagine talking like that with my parents … it would be a stictly No NO.. let me tell you that 9pm at night was curfew time .. so you can well imagine how my life went..

    although saying that My Biology teacher was BEAUTIFUllllllllllllll 🙂 and we had to ask a lot of questions and repeat them all the time 🙂

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    • I think I get away with saying anything except sometimes dad has to yell Oi to us. Haha
      Even I had curfews, I still do. But its 11 now when I am visiting home. As long as my friend Is dropping me home. My parents trust the guyfriends.

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