I still remember how stubborn I was when we used to travel in trains or buses. I HAD to take the window seat. Thankfully I had no siblings to fight with in order to catch my favorite seat of the ride. When the school would take us for picnics, I used to feel really upset if I did not get the window seat. I would show like it is not a big deal, but inside I used to be writhing in anger. Sometimes I would strike a deal with my friend for sitting on the prime spot for half of the journey. Heck, I have even lied that I might throw up or I have claustrophobia or something.
My first flight was with my parents. It was a first for my mom too. My dad has traveled by air quite regularly for his work as a Marketing and Sales guy. Those were the days when your plane ticket was worth a small fortune and they gave tickets in the form of a little booklet. Jet Airways was known to be the best with a little yellow rose pinned to the staff’s clothes. They would also hand out goodies and toys to kids in every flight. In the plane too, I took my window seat happily with my mom in the middle seat and my dad in the aisle.
Now I look back and wonder, did my mom want the window seat? Did she love it as a child too? Did she feel a tinge of sadness not getting to sit in the window seat everytime we traveled in trains or buses? Did she feel bad when I would throw a tantrum and always take my favorite seat if we traveled in anybody’s car with her sandwiched in the middle?
We got our own car only in my 7th grade.
I wonder if my mom loved it in her childhood as much as I did.
And so many other things. Did my mom hate sharing her chocolates? I know she is crazy about them. Yet when she would buy that Dairy Milk to give me after coming back from work, she would take one tiny square for herself. Sometimes I used to find small bars of dairy milk while fishing in her purse. She would say it was a surprise and give it to me. I wonder if she bought it for herself but ended up giving it to me?
When we got our dog in my 8th grade, I knew he was the love of my life. Yet, after a month, jealousy crept in. I was the only child for a very long time and suddenly there was this another thing vying for attention and affection. It was surprising, but I got very jealous of my puppy. It lasted for a week or so but nevertheless, it happened. I had started regretting bringing him into the house. But then one evening, I cried it out. My dad, who was having troubles at his job of 20 years with a new boss humiliating him for no reason, also let his tears flow, apologizing to me if he was ignoring me due to job stress. There was absolutely nothing like that. We went to the temple together, and the next day, dad quit.
I wonder if my mom ever feels bad that she had to practically give up her favorite things for me. The big chunk of chocolate, the window seat, the bigger share of Dahi Wadas, having half a bhel and letting me have one and half. So many things. I wish I had understood. I wish I knew then that my mommy has such a big heart.
I cant wait to fly her out to live with me. She is getting that long awaited window seat this time.