Desperate times, desperate measures

I was dreading this very moment ever since I booked my plane ticket to India. I was thinking of what to say, how to say, and most importantly how to avoid it. But I couldn’t come up with any sort of concrete plan. I decided to wing it. Ladies and Gentleman, if you haven’t guessed it and you are in the age group of 24-beyond, shame on you! It was the shaadi topic. The big question on why and how will I get married.

I don’t know if I have mentioned this before, but around January-February, my parents broached this topic on Skype and I ended up crying and everything. They wanted to put my name down in Anuroop which is a Maharashtrian wedding portal operating out of Pune. It has online services as well and a separate section for NRIs. Anyways, they gave me time till November because then it would have been a year since the xBF left and they assumed a year would be enough to get me out of the mess. Huh, rookie mistake.

So when I reached India, I was coming up with the most creative ways to escape the topic. I did the most ridiculous things ever. My parents have a habit of taking afternoon naps after lunch. After eating, they go into their bedroom and usually chat till they fall asleep. I would escape into the living room to watch TV. Sometimes my mom would call me to the room, but I would just say no! At times she told me to turn the TV off/Come out of the room/etc but I would simply say no. She would laugh at me because she knew what was going on. When I met the school friend at Vaishali we spoke about how parents are getting harder to handle about this whole marriage business. Visiting family friends and relatives are down to grab throats and thrust us into the wedding fire for no rhyme or reason! I asked a couple, if meri khushi bardasht nahi hoti kya? (Do they not want me to be happy). But sigh, all my rants and no’s were being generously ignored. When I told Hrushi(the school friend) how my parents are talking about Anuroop, he was like, “Oh! I am on it! Look me up.” 😀 By the way, my mom asked pretty much for a bio data on him when I mentioned I was meeting such a guy. She is literally walking around with a Sehera in her hands like the tv ad for a marriage website.

On our way back from Mumbai after the visa stamping, my dad asked me if I met the xBF. I told him I spent the 2 days right in front of his eyes except the time I went inside the consulate. How could I have met him? He kept digging further and I told him that I was not in contact with him. He kept probing and I kept up my yes/no non-committal answers. I think I wore him out(successfully) and he said what is he supposed to say when mom raises this topic! I told him to slink away to another room just like me. 😀

One of the days, my mom and I went to a jewelry store to buy me solitaire earrings. I was looking at the rings kept there and told her I will get only a solitaire for my engagement ring. She exclaimed so loudly that I think only the Panipuri wala at the end of the street did not hear her. “Thank God, you at least have plans of getting married!!!”

But the dreaded moment arrived soon after. My mom caught me sitting down leisurely on the couch and my parents decided it was time to put me on the stands. They asked when, why, and why not. They asked me some uncomfortable questions, if I was still hoping for something and if we should call Scube up. I just lied and said no. I was done. But I told them whenever I am ready, I will tell them. I also told them that I need time to find my own boy. I pretty much announced that I was going to date around! My mom got a li’l bit flustered but told me as long as my intentions were ok and I was not going to embarrass them, it was fine. Now, I have to say that their response surprised me quite a bit and sort of was a googly. :-/ The only conditions were that the boy should be Hindu. Fair enough.

I added, that if I cannot find someone, I will honorably ask for their help. They asked if they could still put my name down in Anuroop to at least look at proposals. Now, the whole reason I told them about finding-my-own-boy was to buy time. So I kind of got stuck there. I told them to give me some time. My dad asked how much. Now I don’t know what I was thinking, and if it were my engineering brains, but I told them 314 days. There! I managed to stun them into submission. But surprise, surprise they agreed again and as a compromise, they agreed to start 314 days from 1st Jan 2015. So, 15th Nov is the due date now to put my name down across websites, unless I decide to do it myself by then.

Why 314 days you ask? In that moment of desperation, Pi jumped into my head. 3.14! Getit?? Now that I think of it, I should have used the Avogadro’s number.


30 thoughts on “Desperate times, desperate measures

  1. Hmm…that’s tough! I’ve been in that age group but given that I’ve always been stubborn and rebellious, I just told my parents to not bother and if I found someone I’d let them know. My parents were easier to deal with than every other person! At one stage I thought I would tell someone that I’m gay and I have a girlfriend but we are not allowed to get married. I figured something like that would shut people up. {Never ended up using it…}

    To be honest, it’s helpful being away from India. I told my parents I wouldn’t speak to them on the phone if they kept bringing up the marriage topic. Harsh but true.


    • I tried the gay thing. My dad called did a ‘Haah’ at me and laughed it away. I tell them that I won’t call them too. lol but they know I won’t stop.
      At least they will stop it if I find someone. They are good like that. Like initially they had objections regarding the xBF but they came around.


  2. Omg..been there dude..crying on skype and phone, dreading it on the flight, avoiding it when at home, all of it! Just in my case it was regarding a very much present in my life boyfriend. Laughing about the consulate conversation with dad. Dude, no harm getting on the website is what I think. Especially if people you know are on it. You got a free ticket on the dating thing man…impressive!Now enjoy it.You have 10 months left as Jan is done almost.


  3. Hi PB, is the resistance to the thought of marriage or the thought of being rushed to give up on xBF when not yet ready? Hugs to you and your parents. They seem wonderful and understanding. NYC trip sounds enticing 🙂


    • Aah, what an interesting question. It’s like I know I should move on. But this start from the very beginning terrifies me. And I have major trust issues. All in all, thinking about the future makes my heart drop right at my feet 😔 and he was such a nice guy that I can’t imagine there are guys like that.
      Sigh. I am really bad at dealing with things alone. I need constant company in misery. So it further raises my pains.


      • Sorry PB, don’t be sad. Though of course, you will be. It’s like a process as you have written earlier, I think – about time and healing. Can’t get to Z without traveling through X and Y. Just can’t skip the steps towards healing. He sounds like a wonderful person and it is just so unfair that the lifespan of good relationships should be short even if no discernible villains are to blame. I hope you get to a happier place, either which way, soon ❤


  4. Hi Princess – I’ve enjoyed your blog for a while now. Just want to say I’ve been there and now am happily married too… and it was an arranged one and worked out just fine! Take your time, am sure Prince charming is just around the corner. Hugs!


  5. He he! Maybe you should have. But I tell you this is a never ending saga, once you are done with marriage the next question would be, “So when are you planning to have a baby?”, I mean..right now I am so tired of it, I just put the blame on my husband and escape but how long can I do that? Hm and also that is the only time of your life when suddenly the world becomes devoid of good guys and all wierdos land up at your doorstep! Did I talk a lot?? 😮


  6. 314… rofl! Crazy woman! 😀 😀

    Good you could buy time.. I have been struggling.. and it’s getting worse! 🙂 plus you have age on your side! I don’t! 🙂
    But seriously, what about that dude who’s on the same matrimony site thing?
    I just wish you a whole lot of fun in this entire process and may it go the way you want it to! 🙂 And you know I can sit with a popcorn and enjoy the dating episodes ..if at all you plan to share.. you will..won’t you?


      • Thanks for asking 🙂 Health is stable. Good on that front so far. Got admit from Rochester Institute of Technology with 40% scholarship and University of North Carolina Charlotte. Waiting for decisions from University of Utah, University of Minnesota Twin Cities and Oregon State University. Utah’s decision should be coming around this week and I’m nervous since many profiles better than mine were rejected last year and that’s where I would really like to go.


        • Awesome! 40% is great ya. And RIT is a good school overall. A friend was in UNC, Charlotte for pharmacy.
          Minnesota will be crazy cold! If you get Utah, great! Your living costs will be significantly lower. Why didn’t you apply to San Jose?


          • I’m applying exclusively to those schools where Computer Graphics research is good 🙂 Utah stands at the top along with MIT, Stanford, etc. in that field. RIT is really good especially when it comes to job prospects 🙂 Yea, Minnesota will be too cold! Plus higher fees too. I won’t be going there mostly.


            • Aah Okk. That’s what I thought Cuz I recall reading that you love game developments. So graphics makes sense. Good good. I hope you get it! Career prospects toh everywhere man. You just study hard wherever you get.


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