15 steps to avoid being a weirdo on Tinder

So, I have been trying out Truly Madly in India and Tinder in my area in California. The experience so far has been very wavy. I haven’t met anyone yet, but I am planning to meet some of the guys I have been talking to soon-ish. Let’ see how it turns out. Maybe if nothing else, they will give me some blog content. I feel horrible pangs of heartache and have phases of relapsing into old memories. But I am trying really hard. I wonder what is he doing. 

So far, some of the boys that I have spoken to have been really, really weird. With a few exceptions, of course. I do not know if it’s a mentality or a grooming issue. I have mostly been swiping for Indian guys, because that’s what I am into. I have also spoken to some gora guys but that wavelength merge with such a different culture could be too much for me to handle. You know what I mean? It is just a personal preference for me, and to each his own. Although Gora guys have been matching up with me, but they could just be, you know, expanding their portfolios. Haha!

 

Now as a Public Service announcement, if you are a boy on tinder, please use the following guidelines to avoid turning off a girl. I think some points work for both the sexes, but I am not sure what to tell girls because I have no idea what their dating scene looks like. In my head, I am perfection. 😀 

 1.       Do not assume that if an Indian girl is on Tinder, she is bold and easy. You will make yourself look like a h*rny idiot.

2.       Do not open a conversation with Hie or Hye. Horrible.

3.       Do not use the term Daru(alcohol) after every 5 sentences. You just come across like a raging alcoholic or like a typical college kid who is screaming ‘I drink daru! So I am very cool!!’

4.       Do not ask a girl if she has done the deed with her ex-boyfriend. My friend went through such a conversation with a total turd.

5.       Do not put mirror or gym selfies as your profile picture.

6.       Do not ask her how can she be a vegetarian. She can be whatever the hell she wants to be.

7.       Do not ask her for her favorite author and proceed to insult the said author’s books. You will get whacked by the fattest book of the series.

8.       Do not send her a Facebook friend request the same day as you started talking to her. Nothing screams more desperate than that.

9.       Do not say ‘Oh, I don’t expect girls to be in Mechanical Engineering’ unless you want a screwdriver up your ###.

10.   Do not call her things like ‘Sunshine’ right on the second day of starting chatting. She may be a dark thunder cloud, you never know. Nicknames are best avoided.

11.   Do not be on Tinder if you are the kind of guy who will date like a Romeo and marry the girl only your Mumma chooses. There is Shaadi.com for that.

12.   Do  not ask a girl ‘if she does too much shopping’. It’s her money and she can set it on fire if she wishes to. 

13.   Do not start dissing India. Don’t be ‘that’ kind of a guy.

14.   Do not call anyone ‘so gay’. You will stink of narrow-mindedness and shortsightedness and there is no cologne to care of that. 

15.   Do not be someone you are not. If you are all of the above and pretend to be not, it is way worse. Open your mind and heart a bit, and you will do so much better in life.

*Going back to swiping left n right*

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43 thoughts on “15 steps to avoid being a weirdo on Tinder

  1. This is too funny 😀 😀 (even though I dont agree with a few points here and there). I have no experience with any such portals but the way you have written it is too funny 😀 (can’t get over it)! and ‘ i drink daru!i am so cool’ so f*cking annoying, like grow up kid. :/

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    • It’s the most annoying thing ever! Unfortunately he is building up a stereotype. ‘Was the wedding reception Indian? No? Then so much daru!’ ‘Oh do you know this person? My very good friend. Had so much daru with them’ ‘do you drink? Daru?’ Uggghhhh.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. May be the guy you ll fall for wont follow any of these rules; Still he can win you.. These are hypothetical imaginations that we make, about our perfect choices.. But in real, we do settle for totally different things

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  3. Hilarious! Very nicely compiled. Ridiculously true and a must read for testosterone-charged Tinder-boys.
    Btw, I’m glad I’ve done none of the above 15 things. But anyway, thanks for the guidance. 😛

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  4. 16. When asked, “So, how was your experience with TM so far?” Do NOT say you signed up to do R&D on the application because you planned on building something similar. You will just come across like a kid caught bunking class.

    17. You might be desparate. I dont think you can fix that. But try NOT being very obvious about it. Lets try to take that secret to our graves, shall we? I dont want to hear the following from a guy i have come to like after a week of texting- “Im so scared of being alone. If i dont find someone soon, my parents will get me engaged to someone. I dont know where to find a gf. Everyone needs a gf/bf “. Oh, and while at it, do NOT abbreviate girlfriend/boyfriend.

    Arre ya, a similar post was forming in my head. The guy who committed sin #4 was also guilty of #1. And he had the audacity to tell me that! Why oh why.

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  5. Thankfully I am not on Tinder but loved this post :).. I think these rules are applicable everywhere (Office, Friends, parties).. And gym selfies are really boring..

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    • Thanks SA!
      Gym selfies are horrible. They are as bad as bathroom selfies with the pot in the background.
      Seriously, common sense is very uncommon. I have met such losers all around me that I want to do surgery and take out all the wood shavings stuffed inside their skulls.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. That was a funny post! Good luck with the dating scene.. looking forward to more hilarious posts! However, please be careful meeting up with these guys.

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  7. Good luck PB! Though you have put it across in a humorous way, it sounds really scary…please have your friends around while you are meeting up with these Tinder guys. Tinder sure sounds like Craigslist of sorts, doesn’t it?

    It’s good you are trying to move on and taking control of this dating thing, I so hope you bump into a nice, sweet guy, you know like serendipitously? Yeah, I hope he will be handsome as well. 🙂

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    • Craigslist has become so scary, no? I found both my PGs on it. *shudder*
      Unfortunately I can’t have friends around. But I will meet somewhere where I go regularly and I will drive myself. So I will be in my comfortable and safe zone.
      Awww thanks yaa! Aapke mooh mein ghee, shakkar.

      Like

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