So every Tom, Dick and Harry is returning their awards to protest against the growing intolerance in the country. So many Sikhs on Facebook are posting a black flag calling it a dark Diwali thanks to violence in Punjab. The Golden Temple has not been lit up this year to mark the festival of lights. Shahrukh Khan said that India is intolerant.
I myself proposed that I wanted to return my 1997 Rajat Patra(silver medal certificate) in a national painting event, but courier services are hella costly! Is there a collection department or something? Like a drop box? I requested the pigeons, but they seemed eager to crap all over my certificate. 😦
Meanwhile, some blind supporters, well, not some, but gazillions of blind supporters are attacking each and everybody who claims India is tolerant. They are telling the intolerance claiming individuals to either die, or go back to Pakistan, or die. See? We are that tolerant! If we question our Prime Minister Sir, we are unpatriotic. If we question the insanely illogical murders over food eating habits, we are Hindu shamers. If we speak against the old school doctrines of religion, we are branded haters and could possibly have a Fatwa on our heads. If we dare to raise our voice against the anti-feminist rants of politicians, we are called PMS-ing, hormonal chicks who are too modern ‘for our own good’.
We are incredibly tolerant. When a movie questions idol worship and connections with God men, we only point fingers at Amir Khan’s anti-PK stance in real life because he went for Haj just before the release. When a movie song has words like ‘Ya ali’ and ‘bole mochi bhi khud ko sunar re’, we raise hell over it and burn down posters, and many times, buses. Our good ol’ mature Censor board has issued strictly that ‘Bombay’ cannot be used in movie dialogues or songs. Our this very tolerance helps us look at each other in suspicion if accessorized with a Cross in the neck, or a red dot on the forehead, or a topi on the head.
We want to go in ‘pure vegetarian’ restaurants on Tuesdays and wolf down mutton curry on weekends and yet scrunch up our wee noses when a ‘beef-eater’ passes by. We want our right to eat beef whenever we want to but we mutter in anger when a person says that they love bacon or pork chops. We will gorge over beef/pork whatever, but call a vegetarian or a vegan, a hippie indulging in namby-pamby nonsense, who doesn’t know what real food is.
We are so tolerant, that we tell our women to die instead of falling in love, or speaking up for herself, or even just taking birth. We are so tolerant that a boy will eat his feelings but never tell his family that he wants to pursue Fine Arts instead of Engineering. Our tolerance is at it’s peak when somebody thinks it’s better to end their life than live under the shackles of Section 377. We will only parade a Dalit woman n*ked around the village, all out of tolerance, for using the water out of a Yadav’s well or questioning an upper caste landlord. We shall also show our tolerant self when we tear down Shivaji Maharaj’s guru’ Samarth Ramdas’s statue and burn ancient Sanskrit books in very respected institutes because we don’t want to believe he could have had a Brahmin guru and it is a story concocted by Marathi Brahmins. We will tolerate Fatwas on one artist’s head for describing in their book consensual s*x between a Muslim couple and cluck our tongues sympathetically, while raising in arms in favor of another artist who is being protested against for painting nude Gods and Goddesses.
When we move abroad, our tolerance levels are inflated, and lead to clenching our bags tightly when we see a black person walk past by us, right after quoting Gandhi to our non-Indian colleagues at the office Christmas party. We will laugh and make fun of ‘Chinks’ and their sticking to each other while we walk around Grad school like pack rats refusing any form of interactions with other ethnicity, hell, condemning even students outside of our state and language. We are so tolerant that we will call white girls in shorts and tank tops ‘easy’ and ‘maal’ in Hindi/Punjabi/Telugu/Marathi/Gujarati, knowing that we will totally get away with it. We shall be on Tinder, and call the Indian girl on Tinder a ‘Sl*t’. Why? Because which cultured Indian girl is on Tinder??
Yes. We are very tolerant. And branding us intolerant is a work of political dynasties, paid media, organized mafia, fake NGOs, chicken feeling left out of the hullabaloo, the movie poster waiting to be torn, and those goddamn aliens. Yes.