I am a social media nut and I have said that many times before. I happen to have two Instagram accounts in my life and no, they don’t know about each other. *Evil grin* One account is my personal one, and the second newer, but less updated one, is my blog account. I am not totally sure why I started the second one, but wanting to show off the few fun things I do(rarely) to my blog readers is a likely reason.
I follow quite a few people on both these accounts and I have noticed some fun things about the kind of pictures posted by certain people on my feed. I decided to list some of the categories I could make out. I am going to exclude bloggers from the list because A.) I don’t want you all to get mad at me; and B.) I don’t want to categorize those as they can be exclusively fashion/makeup/food/lifestyle blog accounts. I had made a similar list with people on Facebook, and have a look here.
So, what kind of people do I know on Instagram?
1. One eyed monsters : I have queens as well as kings of selfies on my Instagram feed. I have never seen both their eyes in one shot and this goes for girls and even few boys. The hair is exactly the same with bangs on one side and straight shoulder length hair with layers. The face is always tilted in an angle. I don’t think they can ever get a Passport made, because they will never look straight into the camera! I have a genuine question. Do you use superglue to keep the hair in the same position??
2. Must-kiss-everybody : These people have a lot of love in their hearts and they go above and beyond ‘free hugs’. They want to give kissie to everybody. I think their parents forced them to kiss every aunt and uncle and this has resulted in the permanent pout. What else could the reason be? As for the duck face, they are just trying to figure out if they should ‘swallow or spit it out’. 😉
3. The Collagers : Every picture is a collage of 10 pictures. And IG doesn’t let you zoom. So all I see are tiny blobs of colors in a big blob. I also know many people who take 8 selfies and put it in one picture, as if they are the bombs and they can’t make their mind up about where they are the prettiest. Like, what? Please choose, about 5. That looks prettier and gets the story across. And my myopic eyes can see the pictures.
4. The Hunger Game-ers : All you see is food, food and some more food. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, snacks, Starbucks, everything makes their way on their IG. I specially want to mention Starbucks, because since the day it set up shop in India, it’s almost like they are handing out death penalty if you buy something there and don’t put up a picture. #maakehaathkakhana is a buzzword now, and so is #foodgasm. I have never seen #garmagaramchai so popular in the same field as #bruschettaItaliana. Also, what’s with a #iamsohealthynow when they put up a picture of a smoothie that they drink once in 6 months?
Which brings me to…
5. Health bugs : Say hello to unnecessary tips and advices on how to lose that pound that you don’t want to lose. So, do you walk around lifting your shirt up, or is it a special treat for my eyes the 683rd time over? You look good, and could perhaps be fit, but please wipe that dripping sweat off first.
6. #Hashtagaddicts : #OMG #Toomanyhastags #icantmakesenseofasingleword #yourhashtagaddictionismessingupmyeyesightandmygrammar #pleasestopandsavehumanity
7. Moral science teachers : I want to thank you for imparting me life lessons with a picture of either your new haircut or a selfie or some crumpled paper on the floor. Everything has a deep meaning to it and I wish I had your insight. I bow to thee.
8. PDA-tors : They inspire me to fall in love, and express my love to my partner, ALL THE TIME. The second when they aren’t indulging in a show of affection, is a wasted second. God forbid if you can tear them apart during group pictures. Nope, sir. I am fine with it, as long as I don’t have a story to tell to a newborn of their conception. None of my close friends do this though and I want them to. Just for kicks.
9. Party animals : Thanks to these guys, I feel like my life is one big bore. How do you have the energy to go to every party, every concert, on every single weekend?! I am a dead zombie who is on the far end of even its zombie life(death?).
10. The Scrapbookers : The true memory makers, who only put pictures from old memory books and send me reeling into nostalgia. Sheesh. Sniff.
Now where do I fit? I am the most normal(YES! Believe it!) Instagrammer who puts a giant whirling mix of everything above! Haha! Except, life lessons. I am the last person in the world who should hand out those. Except you, Bhakti, I KNOW EVERYTHING.
I am vain AF, I put selfies when I feel good about myself, I put recipes when I feel like a Masterchef. I put pictures to show where I was on last Friday night, and it totally could be my own living room. I put nostalgic pictures of my buddies when I miss them. Basically, my Instagram accounts have everything under the sun. 🙂
I would perhaps be a PDA-tor too if I had a PDA-worthy person. Just kidding, #NoNopeNever.