If I were God, or Oprah…

I was reading a list on Forbes magazine that was talking about the highest paid careers for 2016. Now I like to read that list hoping to find my chosen field in there and then crying because it is never listed. Amidst the orthodentists, anesthesiologist, a zillion other kind of doctors, software engineers, construction specialists, financial managers, I can see so much money, enough to make Uncle Scrooge blush scarlet. So, I started thinking (Yes, that does happen) about the rest of the careers. IF I was the supreme finance guru of the universe, and I had to pick 10 professions that really, really need a raise right now, these would be my pick.

1. Teachers : These would be the first set of people to get a nice fat raise. Teachers have a huge responsibility on their shoulders to shape up the little humans into the kind of large humans they would turn into. I have had some amazing teachers and some absolutely pitiful ones. My dad had a Maths teacher in his middle school who he swears was Prof. Snape without the redeeming quality of ‘Always’ in him. He loathed my dad and probably turned on the Math-phobia in him. They deserve so much more so that there is motivation and inspiration to undertake this massive responsibility.
2. Farmers : After the issues I have had with my puny tomato plant, I have so much more respect for farmers who deal with a crop that is a million times the size of my plant with exponentially more problems. Everybody is aware of the pitiful state of farmers in India. The only political party who actually gives a sh*t at any point of time for them, is the party in opposition at that given time. Nobody cares.
3. Construction workers : These guys are living, real life Spidermen/Spidermans(?). Have you seen them dangling off the high risers in New York City? Have you seen them perched on top of a bamboo stick on the 21st floor of a building in Mumbai? Did you hear of the news where 9 workers got crushed under a falling slab where they were working without any gear? Some of the most used and abused bunch of workers are in construction. I will also throw in some sunscreen for those long hours in the sun. Cancer is a real b*tch.
4. Nurses : These ladies and gents are the people who do the dirty work after la-di-dah doctors give their diagnosis and swish away to get into the list that Forbes compiles. The nurses are the ones who end up saving lives a LOT of times. They clean you, change you, help you with pee and poop too without being related to you in any way!
5. Housemaids/cleaners/helpers : Do you even realize how hard it is to clean up such disgusting, filthy homes? From what I hear, I specially pity the lady who cleans the home of a friend in India. Also, the gossip session warrants a nice bonus. It is important to have them keep our secrets, right? I am sure that isn’t blackmail.
6. Dog care givers : Actually this is just to warm the cockles of my heart which otherwise is a dark cold lump of coal. Any person who works even remotely with dogs deserves a raise, a bonus, and more goodies. Y’all are my favorite bunch of people! Like, ever!
7. Hairstylists/mani-pedicurists : I did not particularly think of this until I read some horror stories that a few beauty stylists re-counted in some online forum. Millimeters of fungus under nails, cruds and cysts on scalp, LICE! I was THIS close to throwing up! You have my salute.
8. Personal shoppers/fitters : This is specially for the br@ fitters working at lingerie stores. Most women who go to such specialty store are in general good hygiene coming from the upper section of the society, but there are many, many exceptions. You touch other women’s possibly non-showered b**bs and butts and help a lot of them zip up into dresses 2 sizes smaller(for after the Kellog’s diet) while complimenting them. That gets you the raise I am offering.
9. Passport/License photographers : This is for purely selfish reasons that hopefully in my next batch of pictures, I won’t look like a round bagel with plops of cream cheese and blueberries for eyes, nose and mouth. Ugh.
10. Car washers : Again, very selfish. But hopefully the raise will prevent them from taking away all the cash and change in my car. I am looking at you ‘All Hands’!

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