Will be nice to not watch our backs.

I was in a somewhat upsetting situation last weekend where I was feeling creeped out by this Canadian Anuroop guy that I had rejected 2 years back. He had emailed me a few times after that, but I made it clear that I was not interested, and any which ways, he was in Canada. He texted me a couple weeks ago on Whatsapp to find out if my location preference still held true, and I confirmed it in one sentence. Then he texted me after a couple of days commenting on my picture. So, of course, I blocked him on Whatsapp. After that he texted me on normal text. That’s when I lost it. I called my parents and told them what is going on and to report him to Anuroop, in case he contacts me again.

Also, I am done with Anuroop. I am not going down that route anymore and I have pretty much convinced my parents(we go through waves) that if it has to happen, it will happen organically. Not through this dumb way.

While my parents and I were talking, I started talking on the issue of how guys just end up being creeps one way or the other, where maybe they don’t even realize that they are doing that. It made me so upset that I could not stop my tears. How easy for them it is, to just EXIST like a NORMAL PERSON living their life.

Men dont have to constantly watch their backs to have some women leering at them. They dont have to look around to see if they can adjust their straps without it looking like a come-hither-invite. How many of you have seen women simply go ahead and expose themselves to you, for shitzngiggles? Or scratched their supposedly-private areas while keeping their eye on you? How hard is it for a single man to walk past a group of women? Why is this shitty behavior this prominent?

The thought of their gender and partaking in activities, saying something, doing something has no connection. Whereas, women have the fact that they are women, constantly in their mind, while walking, talking, or just living.

C’mon people, we can do better than this. At some point all men, specially Indian men, need to realize there is a reason that women are complaining. Statistically, Indian men have an unfavorable opinion with respect to dating and relationship, and we better work on that.

Buck up, guys. The world is watching.

25 thoughts on “Will be nice to not watch our backs.

  1. I don’t have any problem with what you are writing. Let’s face it, any man who hasn’t pondered what he has said concerning a woman, or how he has acted around a woman, has been asleep the past few months. I like to think that I am a better person than I was when young, but I probably have my blind spots.

    As in all matters, I am afraid that the problem still exists due to the way boys are raised. That needs to change now, along with raising the awareness of more mature males. It won’t be easy, but it must be done. Women, young and older, should be thought of and treated with respect.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am glad I talk to someone like you, who understands where this is coming from and the inherent need to have more of these conversations.
      The guy may not even be aware that he is sort of scaring me. To him this may be perfectly normal. But to me, this is coming across creepy and an inability to take no for an answer. These are dangerous traits and kind of the reason the #metoo movement has started. And this honestly is the situation that even members of LGBTQ community face. Or men who do not display traits of traditional masculinity.
      Also, #metoo. Many times, in varying degree of humiliations.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The way this has panned out, I can’t say am surprised. Shocked, but not surprised. As the gentleman above said, there is some problem the way most, if not all, men are raised. Don’t know about West, but here, we have problems in handling rejection . While it ias all cool when rejected (or say, turned down) in realms of career and family , the matter somehow mutates in matrimonial cases. I know of a few ‘friends’ who messaged and called the girl who turned them down after meeting. Creepy and stunted , if you ask me.

    I , however, would never want you (or anyone I have come to know ) to waste tears on such lowlifes. Keep it for someone who deserves them 🙂

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    • Thanks for understanding. I felt like I overreacted but then I thought why would I think that. We have been conditioned to believe that our reactions are overreactions and we ‘need to calm down’ or ‘cmon relax’. Nope.
      Thanks for wishing the best for me. 🙂 I hope great stuff happens to you too buddy.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I say… Never calm down 😉 Far too many people (women, especially) have been ‘calm’ for far too long already. Thank you so much for the wishes. Excelsior💪

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  4. This is disturbing and downright creepy but sadly happens quite often.
    I completely agree with the views expressed before me and am glad you chose to talk about it to your parents. You’re right, it is about the upbringing and the societal acceptance of such behaviour as ‘normal’ that keeps the men from realising what they’re doing isn’t just wrong but downright unacceptable.

    Stay safe PB!
    {Hugs}

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  5. Oh no.. i think and totally agree what has been said above its the way the human male species are brought up.. it needs to start at child stage the lerning and teaching .. but sadly in almost every houshold both mother father and other adults but male and females bring up that male child the same way..

    I know this is not something that you want to hear but just ignore.. if you ignore someday the guy will get the hint.

    Take care and if nothing works let me come over and together we can go and bash this person up maybe that will make him stop.. in punjab this usully works.. 😁

    Take care PB..

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  6. Oh!! I could have written one of these myself! Most of the Indian men are stuck up in patriarchy no matter how modern they claim to be.And hence these problems!

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  7. Absolutely agree with you. They don’t spare a second thought that they might be making someone uncomfortable. In fact I don’t think they care. I hate the fact that our society brings them up like they are a class apart and can do anything. This is slowly changing and I hope some day we see a difference.

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  8. Agreed fully. The horror stories I hear about men and dating in general is appalling. I don’t think men and creepiness is confined to Indian men. They may be claiming the trophy, but women world over are struggling and this behavior by no means instills confidence.

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  9. Ugh..i am sorry you had o go through this shitty experience. There are many women who will call a heartfelt ” i hear ya, me too!” when they read about this. Far too common..especially the feeling of always being watchful. Constant vigilance , as Moody would say 😦
    You handled it properly man. he must be one of those “uske naa main hi uski haan hai” types. blech.

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  10. I would agree that a ig part of the problem lies in the way we Indian men have been raised, and also the belief systems and behaviours that are normalised in everyday life – be it the society we live in, or the movies, and sometimes even the influence of our peers (including women themselves).

    21st century India is still not open-minded and fully accepting of healthy relationships with the opposite sex and dating. Somehow we still believe in fucked up notions of romance like girls having to be coy and passive, guys having to be persuasive to win the girl’s heart, and that a ‘No’ could still mean a reluctant ‘yes’ and so on.

    I cringed when I read your post, because I myself have been guilty of such behaviour once upon a time when I was younger. I realised how wrong I was only when I had more female friends and when they shared their personal experiences with me.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I’m glad this post served as a forum to address such topics.

    Do drop by mine. Would love your feedback.

    Cheers,
    CRD

    Like

    • Dear CRD, the biggest step towards a change is accepting that we have made mistakes and to be willing to rectify. I am very proud of you for standing up and saying that. Same goes for me. We were young and stupid and we have hopefully matured over time and our next generation will be even more, if I may, woke! 🙂

      Like

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