18

Wedding Tales: A few words…

Hello from a very married Princess Butter! December 2019 was a blast with us getting married in India with our friends and family and then honeymooning. I will post snippets about it and our life here and there. As you all know, we were already engaged, but to keep up with Mr. PB’s parents’ wishes for a customary ring exchange, we had a faux engagement with wedding bands. I wrote a lil toast/speech that I surprised my parents and Mr. PB with. To preserve that memory, here it goes:

They say that special memories are etched deep in our minds. Some can explore them, and some remain untouched till something triggers them out. I have been blessed with a brain that has a good holding capacity for relatively pointless things. But that storage has many small things tucked away in safe corners. Those small things, peek out every once in a while when I am in a reminiscent mood and make me giggle. Some rushes of those memories involve pretty yellow frocks bought on mummy’s paydays. Some have papa cooking up a storm in the kitchen, specifically toop-mith-bhaat, which is plain but hearty rice with salt and ghee. Some involve both of them pretending to be Santa putting cash in my stocking, because I asked for something at the last moment. Some are memories with more embarrassing results, like the one where they searched for a ‘golden’ sword all over the city, for my Rani Lakshmibai fancy dress outfit, only to have me tell them the wrong date, and subsequently make a fool out of myself.
My childhood has been lush, happy and full of mischief. There were books everywhere because my parents inculcated the love of written words into me.

How can I forget the day, when our favorite member entered our lives! Right away, we turned into the sort of people who go “don’t call him a dog! His name is Moony!” He stole our bread toast, my baby blanket, papa’s socks, our bed pillows, and our hearts. His love and his happy vibe got us through the gloomiest of times. His big blueberry eyes gave us hope to be the people who he thought we were. He gave a life long lesson to us about compassion. Mummy and Papa have been and became semi-parents to many roadies around, case in point, Bhoobhdi, Chintu, Kaalu, Champi and I am a volunteer with a rescue foundation and hope to open our hearts and homes in the future to more furry paws. But, Moony is around us, and will live forever, hopping around happily by the rainbow bridge. Until we see him again….

There were bouts of loneliness, which didn’t matter because our tiny family unit remained strong. There was bad kind of mischief, a little travelling down the strayed paths, and some incidents that I am not proud of. Some were dealt with strictness as they deserved, but most were dealt with a caring ear and emotions that mattered, and that made me feel understood.

My parents grew up as parents with me, while I grew up into a moody teenager, and a stubborn woman. I stretched my wings, took off from the nest, and they let me be. We had our ups and downs as every parent and child does, but not once, they made me feel that I was alone. We were upset together, we were patient together, we were hopeful together, and we rejoiced together.

And then came that age, where they thought I should have a life partner. After a few hits and misses, Mr. PB came into my life. Like the ray of sunshine, that he is, he lit up my world. The most beautiful part was, that my parents could tell that something was up. When I finally broke the news to them, I still get the giggles when I remember how my dad went from room to room clapping his hands and screaming “I knew it!” They were elated, and pretty much fell in love with him, right, when I showed them his picture. I mean, have you seen this guy?! He met my folks, took their permission and decided that this crazy girl needed a ring on her finger. I got my fairy tale moment, with my prince charming.

I want to take this moment, to hopefully, give him his… I want to create an incredible memory for you, with this little poem, Goob.

That first date
When you dropped me home,
I somehow had a feeling,
I was done being alone.

Those many cocktails,
Spread out over time,
Didn’t hold a candle to your charm,
And you looking so fine.

Words spoken and touched,
Your eloquent feelings for me,
Opened up my soul,
To just feeling so free.

When the moods came over,
And I got the glooms,
Your rushing over to care,
Made my heart just bloom.

The deal was sealed,
The long wait bore it’s fruit,
We fell deep in love,
As our raw emotions took root.

Our love takes us back,
To the warm-fuzzy teenage days,
Yet there is a sense of forever,
Deep in it’s crazy ways.

The many happy surprises,
that you sprinkle about,
Your love warms my heart,
Without a single doubt.

I may frown,
I may cry,
Yet you bring that smile out,
You never cease to try.

As we look forward with hope,
Into our future so vast,
Let passion and friendship rule,
With all the love in our hearts.

I promise to love you,
Beyond our twilight years,
To cherish your support
Through insecurities and fears.

As I call you my husband,
And I’ll be your wife,
But best friends we hope to be,
For the entirety of our lives.

I love you, and I cant wait to put a ring on it!

4

Of “Not being enough”

 
This boulder of insecurities,
Questions and doubts,
The load of unwanted answers,
And sullen silent bouts.

Rearing up an ugly head,
Feeding with a passion,
Like parasitic vines,  
And turning into obsession.

"Not being enough",
This unnecessary belief,
Pushing down the path,
To inexplicable grief.

Turmoil and darkness,
When we wanted light,
There is a monster within,
Ready to incite a fight.

What really is the cause,
And what is the cure?
Focusing on the present,
And relishing moments so pure.

A reminder to overcome
The insecurities galore,
"I may be not enough,
Yet I am some more."

Just some more darkness spewing from me, no big deal. Inspired by words that I tell myself pretty often and that unfortunately seem to have tattooed themselves on my psyche. “Not being enough”.

I have been trying to fight this triple headed monster inside me since a long, long time. Some days it is me who wins the fight, and some days, the monster flexes harder. But I have been working out, and lifting weights and I am all but ready to knock this POS dead.

2

The last leaf

Autumn has flown by,
In a cold whirl of breeze,
The last lil one peeps,
From beneath the twigs.

Resist she does,
Not ready to give up,
Wants to hang on longer,
Have the last sip from the cup.

“Oh no, not yet”
She exclaimed at the wind,
“But it’s about time!”
The tree opined.

She shines scarlet,
Like a lover’s blush.
The wind tries to convince her,
With another cold gush.

The young sparrow comes on,
For the season’s goodbye.
The lil one is surprised,
And wants her to stay by.

“Oh I must leave for warmth,
Only so I return”,
The lil one realizes,
Spring is what she yearns.

She needs to fall,
To sleep through the snow,
And then return to life,
With an emerald glow.

“Look outside the window, honey,
Is that our first snowflake?”
“Oh it is! And what a pretty pair,
The sparrow and the last leaf make!”

“You said it too soon,
The last leaf is falling!”
But little did they know,
The lil leaf had found her calling.

She dropped off gently,
Into the wet soil deep,
With the dream of spring,
She finally fell asleep.

Source: https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/woodlands-watch-afar-impaled-maple-leaf-116875018?src=tQXRKhGRdqTxRIwxCv9WyQ-1-4

13

New things

My days feel different,
There is a newness in the air,
Not just about my friends,
I have more stories to share.

The more I want to tell,
The more I want to hide,
Keep it under wraps,
Or show off with pride.

Goin’ about town together,
Meeting new friends,
Exploring each other’s lives,
And the promise of new lands.

We can be stupid together,
Take a break from all that wise,
Evenings full of laughter,
Stolen kisses and all things nice.

‘Hello, I am PB’
That’s all I used to say,
Hoping for a change of story,
And some more new things today.

4

Shine on, you crazy diamond!

That starburst is real,
You have a glow inside of you,
That rapture of light,

This confidence is brand new.

You are learning to shine,
Accepting your power,
You can be carbon steel,

Or delicate like flowers.

I am telling you, yes, you!
Wonderwoman of this age,
It’s all within your reach,

Just turn the damn page.

I know you will persist,
Inspite of what they say,
The fears will come and go,

But strong willed you will stay.

Keep doing what you are,
you are the chosen one,
Nothing can dim you now,
Shine on, you crazy diamond!

 

 

***Title borrowed from one of my fav Pink Floyd songs…
24

When I said it…

“I am not ready,
I won’t say ‘I love you’,
You will have to wait,
I know I told you.
 
It’s been a few months,
And we are having so much fun.
I know you want it,
But I can’t say if you are the one.
 
It’s not like I don’t want you,
But baby, I have this fear.
Those words are precious,
And I want to be in the clear.
 
When you said you loved me,
I asked you to hold onto it.
But you said I could wait,
Till I am ready to say it.
 
I am sitting here thinking,
I miss your love and care.
You just left for Boston,
Your sister is over there.
 
It’s just been two days,
And I need your sweetness.
Your calls and Skype,
Not helping my loneliness.
 
I can’t wait any longer,
Finally have to tell this to you,
Babe, you are my world,
And how ‘I love you’.”

~

You have been gone since,
But I don’t regret it.
We took a harsh decision,
We had to just do it…
 
Looking back at the time,
When I said it,
I am glad I waited,
We absolutely meant it.
 
Remembering those moments,
Been many years, I think five.
Oh, these are not tears,
There’s just something in my eye.

*——————————-*

The xBF’s sister lived in Boston. He used to visit her quite often and during one such visit after a couple of months of us dating, I realized I truly was in love with him.

Parents were over at the east coast for a tour and they went to Boston and that triggered a thought process that atleast got a decent poetry post out. I would like to be a lovesick Devdas who drinks, cries and churns out poetry. But then alcohol=big tummy and crying=floating contact lens. #problems

29

The dinner dilemma

“Baby, let’s go out tonight.
What do you want for dinner?”
“Sure, that sounds cool,
I am cool with whatever.”

“Where do you wanna go?
Entrees and desert to share.
Fine dining or fast food?”
“I don’t really care.”

“How about some Italian?
And that wine tonight.”
“Umm, I don’t know.
I want something light.”

“Let’s get some Ramen.
The weather’s cool.”
“We just had it few weeks back.
Not really makin’ me drool.”

“We can do some other Asian,
You sure like Pad Thai.”
“I want something spicy.
It’s not in my top five.”

“Indian sounds good,
To stir up the flavor,”
“We eat that all the time.
Curry over and over.”

“How about Pizza or sandwich.
We shall get that fast.”
“But baby, I will be hungry again.
That definitely won’t last.”

“Just tell me what you want,
Enough of this game.”
“I knew you don’t care for me!
All your loving words are lame.”

“No babe, I am sorry!
We will do what you want.
We shall go out and eat.
Or I will cook if you shan’t.”

“Meh, I don’t wanna eat at home.
Let’s just go out.
You decide where to,
That I don’t wanna think about.”

The BAE suffers daily,
Driven nuts by a girlfriend or a wife.
I may be strong and independent,
But this is also the story of my life.

4583C3C93F1126220414385889280_2d7e5734259.5.1

 


Haah! This is me day in and day out! With the significant other or with friends, my story is the same. I hate having to decide anything, specially cuisine and place to eat. I have almost cried because I couldn’t decide and have also made a few people shed tears by saying NO to everything. My strong Libran characteristics make it worse for me.

I hear the same going on with Shawn and his GF. This was partly inspired by one of his stories the other day. 🙂

The xBF had come up with an interesting solution. He would start asking what I was absolutely not feeling like having and then would narrow it down. So I had no other drama to entangle him in. Smart guy, him.

Public note : Girls, please don’t get mad at me. This comes from true experiences, but there’s no generalization. All of you who can make up their minds in a snap, I bow down to thee. 😀

6

Take That Chance…

Take that chance,
Play in the rain,
Jump in the puddle,
Open your mouth,
Sip in the water.
 
Take that chance,
She wants to hear it,
Break your code,
Take her hand,
Hold her close.
 
Take that chance,
Run that extra mile,
Don’t check your timing,
Breathe in, breathe out,
Start running again.
 
Take that chance,
Give it a go,
May or may not happen,
Call ’em up,
Just steal a kiss.
 
Take that chance,
Get a Mocha instead of Latte,
Bite into that muffin,
Spoon a bit of Meringue,
Let the conversation flow.
 
Take that chance.
Book that ticket,
Rent a car,
Let the moonlight guide you.
Say hello to the stars.

  

16

Rumor has it

She seems to be
Thinking a lot lately,
Smiling alone,
Veiling her laugh thinly.

Rumor has it,
Her evenings are merry.
And it has nothing to do
With her vodka and cherry.

Twisting her hair strands,
Around her finger,
She plays with the pen,
Letting the thoughts linger.

Rumor has it,
Her blush has a new shade.
The eyes have a twinkle,
That refuses to fade.

She says she’s free,
Yet feels some fear.
She feels so strange,
Yet it is all so familiar.

Rumor has it,
Her heart is beating.
Not felt for long,
How now she’s feeling.

There’s a spring in her step,
The extra curls in hair.
Her perfume seems new,
Not her usual fare.

Rumor has it,
She feels new energy in her core.
Her eyes are elsewhere,
You may not be the one for her anymore.

  


What fun it was to write this piece! You can give the last line a nice ‘moving on’ touch or make it scandalous. If you chose the latter, you are mad cool! I am not telling which one I chose, as of now. 😉

15

Some poetry for Shib’s birthday

Well, better late than never 😀

Shib and I have bonded in the strangest ways for him to become my brother from another mother. With the ups and downs we went through, together and separate, it feels like our foundation is becoming stronger by the day. We were super goofy in college, always upto no good. We loved singing together, eating at the canteen with borrowed money(loooong story!), hitting each other just for fun, trash talking and such fun stuff. I cannot even say anything anymore about our relationship because words will not do justice. It was his birthday on 21st June and his fiance decided to surprise him with a handmade scrapbook with things written down for him by his people. This was my entry for the competition scrapbook entry.

There are so many reasons,
Why I should hate you,
But every one is the same,
For why I should love you.

You asked me to hit you,
I always hit you extra tight,
You pinched me back,
Put up a ridiculous fight.

Our kajrare is legendary,
We at the singing auditions,
That’s why they don’t choose us,
We will slay the competition.

Ani, me and you as a team
Two sisters and a brother,
Rakhis and lazy lamhe,
Got us well covered.

Our endless photo sessions
With your tongue poking out,
We practically invented,
‘Em selfies and the pouts.

Words always fall short,
Of how to describe us Bhai,
Our memories will never fade,
Moments won’t fall shy.