17

If I could be…

I am having an extremely productive day at work. I am running a simulation and have so much on my plate that I cant think straight. So I have let my mind wander. My brain is capable of shutting off when there is a huge list to be tackled and I cannot do anything about it. Either I need to take a restroom break or actually catch a few zzz’s if I need to get back in order. Anyways, I digress.

I went down a beautiful whirlpool of what other living creature could I be if not a human. Dog is an obvious option, but I must be a dog of Moony’s stature or better or I am screwed. I thought of a number of options. I have actually been told that I remind someone of ferrets. Wiggly-woogly, mischievous ferrets but not like the one Draco Malfoy turned into.

And then I started thinking about seagulls. Yep, the rodents of the ocean. Imagine an unlimited capacity to swoop and steal a kid’s icecream and no one can really do anything about it, unless they have a gun! The way seagulls just stand by the beach looking around with suspicion for an unsuspecting fool with food, reminds me of myself in the break room looking for free snacks. Also, the ability to just scream randomly, is awe-inspiring! I would love to run around and just go Keeeekkkkk at anyone while staring in a different direction altogether. They just chill in the sand, till they have to fly a bit and swoop and catch a fish. Or they could just poke into the sand to catch bugs and crabs. But with all the french fries littered around, I think a seagull’s life is quite set. I could be wrong, but they don’t even really have a definite predator. All they have to do is fly to a pole or something high. The eggs and chicks get eaten up, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Being a seagull, would be pretty cool, wouldn’t it? I am hopeless.

9

When furry friends turn into furry foes…

Animals can stink too…

How many times have you gone ahead thinking that the animal is going to be a perfectly cute fluffy thing, when it decided that it hates you? For people generally afraid, it is going to be an everyday thing perhaps, but for people who live for the furry ones, it’s a nightmare. Recently, there was a talk about a flight attendant refusing an emotional support peacock’s entry into the flight. Umm, since when has a bird in closed spaces been a source of comfort? Also, peacocks are assh*les.

You guys may or may not know this, but I am mortally afraid of cows. It has been my lifelong fear that a cow is going to maul me, or a bull is going to sear it’s horns through me like sheesh kabab. Every summer vacation was spent in Jaipur, Rajasthan and it had an unnaturally high number of cows and bulls roaming the streets. The bulls looked specially vicious with dark circles, the big hump and really sharp horns. somehow they looked permanently angry to me. the cows are big too, with their giant staring eyes and they do not put me at ease in any way. We have even witnessed bull fights with bikes and scooters tumbling everywhere. I was a teary, snotty mess who just wanted to get away. I also totally believed in the lore that cows and bulls hated the color red. I would cry and cry if my mom made me wear red dresses. In my defense, I was under 10(fine, under 12) years old. But the scars are still etched in my memories.

I remember when I was 6 and we lived in New Delhi, there was a tree in front of our terrace. My dad and mom would enjoy their morning tea by the balcony railing, looking out. But that soon stopped for at least a few months. The reason? My dad pointed his finger at a crow nest to show my mom some newly laid eggs. The crows decided that my poor dad meant every kind of harm possible, and would attack every time he ventured out. Even while coming home from outside, my dad had to put his briefcase or newspaper on top of his head and practically sprint inside. Something similar happened to my buddy when the xbf, me, and our friends were talking a walk at Central Park, New York City. Our friend was an amateur photographer. While walking he spotted a few birds up a tree and decided to take some pictures. While he was taking pictures, we suddenly heard a bunch of swooping sounds and saw a tiny bird going straight at him in a very Angry Birds like way! We ran as fast as we could, away from the tree! Our buddy saw the bird coming straight at him through the lens, but he got some great shots! A peacock has done the same to me at San Diego zoo. I was taking it’s pictures, and then suddenly it’s coming wayyyy closer!

Now y’all know my stance that dogs can do no wrong. But I will sneak in a tiny story about this satan’s spawn that was born in the form of my a Pomeranian. His name was Bruno and he belonged to my mom’s sister’s family, in Jaipur. That dog had bitten every member of his own family, and extended, and some more people. All the bitten people only received a tetanus injection, so we are still watching for signs of barking from my mom. My dad and I had been spared. I was a little dog crazy kid and I yearned for him to love me. So I would smear peanut butter on my legs for him to come and lick me, but dare I touch him. The only time anyone except his parents and my one cousin could touch him was during car rides while he looked out of the windows. The crazy dog has bitten people when they woke up and put feet down from their beds, or if they moved chairs while sitting on the dining table, or if they went to use the restroom at night, or just for existing. Though, I would still blame his family for not bringing him up right when he was a puppy.

The only dog bite I have ever had in my life was also from a Pomeranian. They aren’t temperamentally the best, so it really falls down on the human to teach them to play right. Which people totally fail at. I could write some stories about Moony being mean to me, but that was only because I was the other puppy in his family!

Aah well, they are sweet, snuggly, adorable, but they really can stink sometimes. Sounds like people, eh? Don’t let that stop you from loving them, humans or animals!