The power of educated acceptance

A new favorite, or perhaps life changing? I don’t quite know how to define this book that I recently finished reading. I am not doing a book review here, but just nudging people to pick this one up next, specially if you need some solid inspiration and motivation. The strongest emotion that comes screaming out, is that I feverishly wish this was a dystopian fiction and not an absolute reality of the writer’s life. Tara Westover has created a masterpiece, which unfortunately is the true story about her life. ‘Educated’. A monumental memoir.

It’s a very difficult book to read and I went through a varied range of emotions which made it even harder. I wanted to protect the little girl, rescue her away from the path she was put on. I wanted to nudge away the young woman from her belief of shame and worthlessness. I desired to take her on a real coffee date or to a library where we could sit and discuss the history of Mormonism, ethics, mental disorders, human rights, European history together. I wanted to learn from her raw intelligence. What that child went through is unthinkable, being taught to hoard for ‘The End of the World’, being shoved around by her bipolar father, a mother who was a doormat and the extreme physical abuse by her brother, and then being told that it was her fault.

I feel sheltered and protected. For every little fight about not wanting to wear what my mom picked out, to not leaving my shoes in the hallway, I want to hug them tight and tell them that I love them beyond the Universe. From reading about a childhood like Tara’s(she still dilutes it in interviews, out of family love and loyalty), I feel beyond blessed to have been able to have mine where the memories are sweet and sadness is far in between.

I googled her and listened to some of her interviews. She has been featured in magazines. This girl went from never going to school, to Cambridge and Harvard. She was a raw learner, completely unexposed. She took it and molded herself to go to these institutions with all the respect she deserved and more. The biggest success was, her being able to defeat her thoughts(passed down as concrete sayings by her father), shame and self-humiliation. She learned to ask for help. She learned to be okay with being a woman and to have dreams beyond the kitchen. She overcame. She learnt acceptance. When she says, it is possible to love someone and miss them, and also be glad that they are not a part of their life, I believe her.
Yet, there are two sides or ‘duality’ to her that I cannot shake off. The one from her book, and the other from her interviews. Although, I do find it okay to accept because that’s human nature.

When I researched her, I researched her families and their real names too. I have faces to give these characters now. And I shudder. The brother, I saw his Facebook page, gave me chills down my spine. Somehow not unpredictably, his Facebook is full of political and ideological support for the person who leads this powerful country. There is pure venom and loathing in the words he chooses, to side with him and the gun lobby among others. The men wear lifetime-member NRA caps. I don’t feel surprised. Her family has chosen to cut her off because she refused to forgive him post ‘Atonement’ and they have refused to seek any help for his disorders, instead, accusing her of lying. Unfortunately this is the truth for a huge population. She is considered a cancer that will tear the family apart, not the brother who used to maul his sisters and girlfriends like a vicious animal. The family is so brainwashed and gaslighted by the Dad, that they are discounting her memories and have an attorney. I have no words.

This book has given me hope and a lot more. I want to leave here some powerful quotes that I took away and that will remind me to keep moving. Hope it inspires you too.

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery

None but ourselves can free our minds

-Bob Marley, quoted in Educated by Tara Westover

I carried the books to my room and read through the night. I loved the fiery pages of Mary Wollstonecraft, but there was a single line written by John Stuart Mill that, when I read it, moved the world: “It is a subject on which nothing final can be known.” The subject Mill had in mind was the nature of women. Mill claimed that women have been coaxed, cajoled, shoved and squashed into a series of feminine contortions for so many centuries, that it is now quite impossible to define their natural abilities or aspirations.

Blood rushed to my brain; I felt an animating surge of adrenaline, of possibility, of a frontier being pushed outward. Of the nature of women, nothing final can be known. Never had I found such comfort in a void, in the black absence of knowledge. It seemed to say: whatever you are, you are woman.

-Educated by Tara Westover

The decisions I made after that moment were not the ones she should have made. They were the choices of a changed person, a new self. You could call this selfhood many things. Transformation. Metamorphosis. Falsity. Betrayal. I call it an education.

-Educated by Tara Westover

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Kavanaugh & bros

This is easily the most heated topic around all of us these days. Like Ms. Ford said in her testimony, she is simply standing in front of a train that will reach it’s destination anyways, and she is going to lay her life down and receive no justice. The destination being a lawmaker for many decades who sets laws and policies for the entire next generation.

This man, who has been accused of assaulting a then-teenage girl, is going to write laws about women. Most noticeable is his view of the Roe-Wade law. The GOP, meanwhile, reacts in the same usual way, with total refusal and denial, and if the accusations are indeed valid, then by downplaying the charges. This is a massive middle-finger to the women of America. The saddest part being that many conservative women voters are defending Kavanaugh, by suggesting that obviously all high school boys grope and do their cutesy lil assaulty things. Anything to get men to control women’s bodies.

Then we have the leader of the most powerful country, mocking Ms. Ford’s testimony in another pseudo-campaign trail and insinuating things against her. Whatever your political leaning be, you have to find this character assassination beneath the POTUS’s standards. But who cares, right?

I cannot help but draw a parallel between Hillary Clinton’s testimonies and debates where she HAD to keep a stoic stance and compose her emotions for the entire duration, and yet deal with the ‘women are too emotional’ label slapped on her. So have other countless women, vying for top jobs and managerial positions. And we have this man here, who was sniffling and reddening as every minute of his testimony progressed, accuse the opposition of this ‘sham’. Last I heard, a judge is supposed to be bi-partisan, right? While Ms. Ford patiently answered every question, Judge(?!) Kavanaugh spoke over senators, yelled, shut up to avoid answering questions and basically behaved like a giant baby being denied his favorite toy.

We have somehow, as a society, reached this point. The moral compass of this country is skewing as the days go along. There is little doubt that whatever was going to happen, will continue to happen, and he will go where he intended to go. Women may come, accuse, be annihilated, but the GOP will stand strong with their, ahem, men.

We shall see.

Assertion

This is one quality that doesn’t come easily to me. If you know me, you would know that I am extremely non-confrontational, as detailed in my stories about my ex-roommates, xBF’s family(where it took me a long time to finally express my desires), and some issues with ex managers and professors. If I have to be in a position where I must speak and ask for what I deserve, you will for sure find my neck going red and all bothered. I also have a tendency to procrastinate when it comes to making decisions, from picking a place to eat, to a job change. Not the best sight for a strong, confident woman! But somehow, I manage to cover the front up with my raised eyebrows(it’s a thing) and clear enunciation. No wonder I did well in college vivas and have a 100% interview success rate. I could fake it!

My close friend is going through similar challenges at work, and she is gearing up to make herself heard loud and clear. While we strategize for that, we also have to make sure we cut through some extra mental barriers with us being young, non-American, mechanical engineers who should get the respect they deserve and to be seen as hard working people irrespective of age, gender or nationality.

When I started as a Research Assistant in the 2nd semester of my Master’s, I knew that the projects were sponsored by one of the Top 10 companies and my peers were being paid. But my professor didn’t talk to me about it and so I let it go, and continued with my on campus jobs. The time spent in meeting those 20 work-hours a week was eating into my research time. But there was no way I could let the jobs go, since I was supporting my living and school expenses and I did not want to ask for any more funds from my parents. Then we reached a point after 1.5 years where this girl Yoyo and me, were the only unpaid RAs and my buddy Brian kept pushing us to ask for the assistant-ship. I had a block in my mind convinced that if he felt I deserved it, he would have offered. Finally, after Brian physically dragged me and pushed me to our Professor’s office, I asked for pay to cut one of the jobs off. And his response? Yeah, just go and fill out the paperwork and he gave me the location of the HR department! That was it! I kicked myself for wasting 1.5 years! If only I had asked sooner…

At my previous company, I had DC, my mentor, watching my back. He made sure I got good raises, even if it meant simply reaching the recommended wage per the US labor department. But as soon as the responsibility moved to the Engineering Manager post DC’s part time and then full time retirement, we all got stuck with a 3.5% annual raise, with some fun politics involved with the all-boys club. So when I got my offer letter from my new company, and I got offered the exact salary as my current job, I knew I had to negotiate to justify my switch and moving to San Diego. So out came my recent raise, calculator, salary.com charts, immigration expenses and I asked for something in the middle of the graph. As soon as I hit ‘send’, I broke into a ball of sweat and with a dozen ‘oh shit!’ thrown in with my dad laughing in the background. I got a reply the very next day, with an acceptance and a revised offer letter, and I could not believe it! Thank Goodness I could do it over email and not on the phone. Negotiating my pay has to be the coolest thing I have done, specially considering the type of person I am.

There have been countless meetings where I have been interrupted, spoken over, man-splained, and the only thing that keeps me going is the way I manage to say, ‘I would not do it that way and that is my professional opinion’. I am humble, polite, and I am not afraid of accepting mistakes and learning. I consider these to be my strengths and I have to keep reminding myself that anyone treating these as my weaknesses, will have to be dealt with the previously mentioned raised brows.

To anyone, who is feeling that they aren’t being heard and respected for their power, know that you aren’t alone in feeling that way. All you have to do is make sure that you roar louder and stronger. Roll back your shoulders, raise your chin, and go do your thing!

Will be nice to not watch our backs.

I was in a somewhat upsetting situation last weekend where I was feeling creeped out by this Canadian Anuroop guy that I had rejected 2 years back. He had emailed me a few times after that, but I made it clear that I was not interested, and any which ways, he was in Canada. He texted me a couple weeks ago on Whatsapp to find out if my location preference still held true, and I confirmed it in one sentence. Then he texted me after a couple of days commenting on my picture. So, of course, I blocked him on Whatsapp. After that he texted me on normal text. That’s when I lost it. I called my parents and told them what is going on and to report him to Anuroop, in case he contacts me again.

Also, I am done with Anuroop. I am not going down that route anymore and I have pretty much convinced my parents(we go through waves) that if it has to happen, it will happen organically. Not through this dumb way.

While my parents and I were talking, I started talking on the issue of how guys just end up being creeps one way or the other, where maybe they don’t even realize that they are doing that. It made me so upset that I could not stop my tears. How easy for them it is, to just EXIST like a NORMAL PERSON living their life.

Men dont have to constantly watch their backs to have some women leering at them. They dont have to look around to see if they can adjust their straps without it looking like a come-hither-invite. How many of you have seen women simply go ahead and expose themselves to you, for shitzngiggles? Or scratched their supposedly-private areas while keeping their eye on you? How hard is it for a single man to walk past a group of women? Why is this shitty behavior this prominent?

The thought of their gender and partaking in activities, saying something, doing something has no connection. Whereas, women have the fact that they are women, constantly in their mind, while walking, talking, or just living.

C’mon people, we can do better than this. At some point all men, specially Indian men, need to realize there is a reason that women are complaining. Statistically, Indian men have an unfavorable opinion with respect to dating and relationship, and we better work on that.

Buck up, guys. The world is watching.

Shine on, you crazy diamond!

That starburst is real,

You have a glow inside of you,

That rapture of light,

This confidence is brand new.

You are learning to shine,

Accepting your power,

You can be carbon steel,

Or delicate like flowers.

I am telling you, yes, you!

Wonderwoman of this age,

It’s all within your reach,

Just turn the damn page.

I know you will persist,

Inspite of what they say,

The fears will come and go,

But strong willed you will stay.

Keep doing what you are,

you are the chosen one,

Nothing can dim you now,

Shine on, you crazy diamond!

 

 

***Title borrowed from one of my fav Pink Floyd songs…

PINK : A Guide to Women’s Safety

I finally got around to watching the movie PINK two Sundays back starring Amitabh Bachchan. It’s been quite some time since the movie came out and I had heard really good reviews about the movie. My father specially had raved about it and he is not easily pleased by Hindi films. After I saw it, I have nothing different to say. It’s a fantastic watch that will throw you into a whirl of thoughts.

When I started to watch the movie, I had to stop and text Moo because I was starting to feel this rage inside me. That rage only built up to a crescendo like Falak Ali’s until she lashes out at the lawyer. It was making me so angry because the movie is not simply a fictional tale about women caught between lust, lies and political mileage, but has elements of what every working, independent woman has to go through in different shades of sexism. But it was just a movie. And a one that I made sure from Moo, ended in a non-depressing note. In real life, that’s not the case always as learnt from countless cases like Ruchika Girhotra, Jessica Lal, Bhanwari Devi, and many more.

Amitabh Bachchan’s portrayal of an old lawyer, desperately trying to report an abduction/molestation, then an almost bumbling defense attorney, and then a questioner with conviction, brings up some points that show how the world has moved ahead but the mindset of men is still regressive. Side effects of patriarchy have made sure that men continue to follow medieval rules and resist any changes towards equality for men, women and even the LGBT community.My father has an interesting point of view on this. He feels its an inherent jealousy of women(the assumed weaker sex) being able to do everything and more, than men.

If you have have watched the movie, you will remember his ‘Guide to women’s safety’. Dear ladies, if you want to survive, forget thrive, in this world, you need to follow this guide book. The rules will ensure that you live till a ripe old age. You may suffocate to death, but you shall be safe.Nothing else will protect you better than these rules. Not even a simple word or seemingly complete statement ‘NO’. Like the State Lawyer says, consent is highly fashionable these days and unnecessarily pranced around. Follow these rules to be safe.

1. Do not go out alone with men anywhere. Men are boys who actually are toddlers that get swayed easily by your blooming sexuality. You are responsible if they cannot keep their feelings in their pants, specially being led to a lonely area. If you are alone, it’s a natural lead on to physical intimacy.
2. Don’t smile or laugh too much. I am a personal victim of this. I have been called a sl*t, wh*re, easy, and many other fun names in Hindi/Marathi/Gujrati/Punjabi by my classmates and college folks during Engineering. When I moved to US, I thought I have entered a bigger, more liberal world, but many of my fellow countrymen here did not share the same sentiment. I realized this even more when I melted into the pot of different cultures that was my lab. I enjoyed company of people and I liked being friends with everyone irrespective of their gender, if we had a matching wavelength. I also liked being expressive about my attraction to a guy and the idea of a normal, healthy dating life. But how dare I. I should have known that I am a good Indian girl. So, ladies, if you smile or laugh too much, you are driving these innocent boys into helpless fantasies, who can’t help acting on it.
3. Your character depends on the clock. Almost all of us have heard this one or the other time from concerned neighbors, family, friends’ relatives, teachers, and the entire community. Coming back late at night means you are easy. It doesn’t matter that you work hard in shifts, or that you may like to have some downtime after work. A girl walking alone in the PM is calling for it more than the girl walking alone in the AM, who is also asking for it to a degree though.
4. Do not drink alcohol, use cell phones, eat Chinese food, or get educated. Like AB says, the ill effects of alcohol for men end at health risks, whereas it’s a whole new list for women. We don’t just get sick, we make people around us sick, with lust. Again, a personal victim of accusations stemming from this. Then there are the amazing concerned members of the society who are worried that ‘too much education gives girls much more to talk about’. Curb their mouths, curb their lives, and keep them safe.
5. The venue you are at determines your character. If you break the Rules 2 and 3, but are in the presence of family, or are home, or in a temple, you may still have a chance. But if you are at a club, or a concert, or a café, you are providing an open invitation to men. Be careful of where you go. The nature of a venue has a direct relation to lust.

Ladies, be careful of what you wear, how you behave, and where you go. There will be men out there policing how we need to be. If we don’t reign ourselves in, they will not hesitate to discipline us. After all, we would be asking for it.

10 reasons why it’s hard to be a woman

It’s a hard job belonging to the female species. 

Excuse me for this rant, but someone’s gotta say it. Don’t forget to read this with a pinch of salt. And a lemon wedge. With tequila.

1. Periods. Hi! Did I just make you all very uncomfortable?? 😉 Just the word is enough to curdle blood of any man, and send a gush of wild hormones in a woman’s vein. It hurts like a B*tch, feels disgusting, and leaves you so uncomfortable that you cannot sit, sleep or even sneeze in peace. Everything hurts. Including the sound of anyone breathing. Also, don’t ever tell a woman that the whole reason for the pain is to create life and miracle and all that jazz when she is PMS-ing. Just don’t.

2. Hair Removal. It is very easy for guys to say that they can’t stand girls who have hair on their arms or legs. In the same breath, they will say that oooh, they don’t know how women can rip off their hair and they will never do it. To rebel, I don’t wax my arms. And I am proud of my peach fuzz. Deal with it. There is nothing unhygienic about it. I go without touching my legs for months sometimes and I am brave enough to go to the gym in shorts.

3. Nails. We were at the bar the other day and 2 friends mentioned how they feel that if a girl’s nails are done, then it’s like a given thing that the girl is neat, clean and takes care of herself. So basically, to prove someone of my hygiene commitment, I am expected to blow up $40-$60 for a mani-pedi every week. Hmmmmmm.

4. Hair. Haircuts are the most stressful things. THE MOST EVER! People say it will grow out, it’s just hair. But the damn bird’s nest takes months to look presentable if gone wrong. Washing hair is a huge task and some poor ladies have to do it every day (make that 90% of non-desi girls I know). I hate the whole business of wetting, shampooing, then rinsing, then conditioning, then rinsing again and waiting forever for my hair to dry. Shorter hairstyles haven’t helped either, because if dried wrong, it looks horrible. I don’t want to get into the whole ironing/curling/blowdrying process. I don’t understand how women get up half an hour earlier to do their hair. Respect.

5. Shopping. This applies to only indecisive women like me. I will go to a store, browse just with my eyes, without touching anything, will get depressed about not finding anything, will leave, will come back after 15 minutes, browse again, will find something which is more expensive than my grocery budget of the month, will curse the economy of the country and walk out. Then I will go home and regret not buying the same thing for about 6 months to a lifetime. If I have some event, the first thing to pop in my head are outfit options. I will style everything in my head perfectly before realizing that not only I don’t have 60% of items but neither the tall lean stature to carry it off. Sigghh.

6. Fat accumulation. I cannot stand the belly bulge when I am sitting down. B**bies are the worst offenders in this case. Br*s can be f-ing annoying and more so if new weight is gained. Cannot even burn the damn br*s because then any body movement will be agony. Sheesh. We women have been blessed to deposit fat directly on our torso for some goddamn reason. It is very, very easy to accumulate it, but so hard to get rid of it. This is injustice. This brings me too…

7. Food. For the general public, ‘A moment on the lip, forever on the hips.’ For most women, ‘On belly, upper arms, bust, butt, upper legs.’ To all ladies who like their drinks, yes, beer belly is a reality.

8. Shoes. When Eve bit into the apple, God punished her by condemning her to eternal sin, and by creating high heeled shoes. When they say beauty comes at a price, they really mean it. I love the look of high heeled shoes, but my feet decided to be flat and have awkward joints with tapering toes(bunion) and that effectively put an end to my high heeled ambitions. Also, never ask a girl to walk home if she is in her heels, unless you want a kick with the same stilettoes.

9. Childbirth. First of all, who decided to give women certain child bearing years, while leaving men with practically their life time to work the family jewels? Why the hell are eggs finite? That’s just so unfair. Even worse is, why did it have to be so F-ing painful and agonizing and even more hormone-y than menstruation? Plus, I definitely have a problem with the glorification of motherhood in movies, TV, or society in general. Some woman either cannot have kids or don’t want to have kids, or some may even want kids but just adopt. IT’S FINE.

10. Judgement. Patriarchy. Prejudice. Inequality. Inferiority. Enough said.

Now you can shoot that tequila down.

 

Empowerment, in vogue lately…

Did you watch the Vogue Empower video with Deepika Padukone in it? She looks gorgeous in the video, talking about empowerment, freedom and her choice to live her life the way she wants. It is a montage of 99 different women expressing  their emotions on their faces while DP talks in the background. The stunning black and white visuals with flowing drapes, DP’s lithe body, her adorable dimpled smile and wide eyed wonderment make it a treat to watch.

The video has great points about how freedom should be given to women to live the way they want to. It is a woman’s choice to be able to have s*x or not, to fall in love or not, to marry or not, and to cover her body or not. Sl*t shaming in the society needs to be stopped. There is a demand to be given respect regardless the choices a woman makes. DP asks the world to let a female out of the cage, so that she breaks the cycle of expectations in order to exceed them. She has the choice to be straight, g*y or bis*xual and only she can decide who to surrender her body to. She alerts them that her signs of love and wedded bliss are just replaceable ornaments. The only truth is her love, which is irreplaceable. It is a very powerful video asking for freedom, respect and humanity when a woman decides to have a say in how her life will shape up. The video wants every woman to embrace her choice and courage of conviction. It re-iterates all the points I stood up for when our leading Indian daily published a very demeaning picture of her cleav*ge. A woman must be allowed to live, thrive and grow, the way she wants. Heck, a woman must allow herself to grow.

Those are the good points I took away from the video.

The rest of the time, I was busy thinking how and why is DP so perfect looking with the flowing hair and the s*xy collarbone. I actually mistook the video to be a shampoo ad. Then I thought that it could be an ad for sanitary napkins. But then the video ended and I realized that it was not so. I watched it again, a little confused. Call me stupid, or laugh at my low IQ, but the whole I am a tree-I am not snowfall-you are a snowflake-universe infinite-cotton or silk wrapped around energy confused me. What was that ‘you are a snowflake!’ It sounded like me saying ‘I am not stupid, you are stupid.’ I have read much powerful lines with much simpler words that make impact. The very cute Alia Bhatt ad was a case in point. So was the ‘men don’t cry, and don’t make others cry’ campaign. That one hit the point across with a targeted ferocity.

They showed such pretty women in the video, with a few ladies from a rural background. It had a very elite, upper class feel for me. The points about freedom here lean more towards liberalization than empowerment, and was meant for A-listers I guess. It is very important I agree, but I feel it is the next step to feminism. The first one is to make both the sexes have equal footing in all walks of life. There is a debate in USA about white girl feminism and a colored girl feminism. It opens up the can of worms regarding how empowerment means such different things for different races, classes and strata of the society. Empowerment for some means equal pay and social standing, for others it means justice against violence and the right to make their own choices, while for so many it means to have the basic right to breathe and survive. What I would have liked to see here was women for education, women in science and technology, women in teaching, in medicine, women at home raising kids to be strong and independent; women running a business, working up a career or building a home. That is a choice the women have a right to which is usually denied.

When DP talks about her choice to have s*x whenever and wherever, I feel she is extending her choice of freedom to infidelity, which is just so wrong for any gender. If I can get really mad at a boy for cheating on me, how does my empowerment lead me to cheat on him. It reminds me of the fun Koffee with Karan episode where she bashed RK for cheating and being a s*x addict. She should not be that mad since after all it was his choice(even if it’s a sucky choice). Just a few months later, for a couple of weeks, they were super chummy again, when Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani was to be released. But people do change all the time and hopefully she has matured to actually follow her own message. It also brings to my mind the number of rape cases that are filed when a guy backs out of marriage after having s*xual relations with a girl. She speaks about a choice to have babies. That is a choice where a man and a woman must have an equal say for, in my humble opinion.

Vogue magazine is another story altogether that tells me that I am not beautiful unless I use a $50 Dior lipstick and curl my hair every single day. It tells me how I can’t catch his eye or succeed in the boardroom without the perfect skirt that will cost more than my rent. I do not want to go into their photoshop-body image-skin color issues and how bang opposite empowerment they are. “They do not have a size for my spirit.” Take that, Vogue! I am not fat. Also, is it the same DP who endorses the K challenge to get a flaunt-able waist in 2 weeks? I have written about her previously and recently wrote about Anushka getting bullied as well. I spoke up how they both were being shat on for no reason.

Do watch the video, and take away the great points it has to offer. But don’t confuse freedom of choice to be a reason to shirk away responsible choices and good sense. My freedom of choice may make me take all the cash from your wallet. But that won’t be right now, would it?

Defeating sportsman and female spirit together 101

Awww, India lost.

Honestly, I am upset, but I am not disappointed by our boys in blue. They did great! Remember the series down under where we got absolutely walloped by the Australian willow? We were walking around with red b*tts for months. Everyone, including me, thought that we would be very lucky to even get past the pool matches.

Well, guess what? We made it till the Semis! And un-freaking-defeated!! They did stunning. Our bowling was being critiqued left-right-center but the boys performed so well. The batsmen did absolutely great and Dhawan shone like a star. That guy has something in him. Remember Kohli? Who was said to be in a bad form and criticized for his batting skills? What a stunning knock against Pakistan. Honestly, the only game that mattered to me.

 

Dear Indian Cricket Team, you did great! . So what if we lost to the Aussies. We lost to a truly deserving team who played beautifully and who made me stay up till 4 am to watch the game.

*Salute*

Why do you think we did good till the semis? Because Anushka wasn’t present? Oooh, has to be because all the pativratha wives were praying super hard and were doing maha mrityunjay jaaps and no water fasts for their husbands. Right? That is the ONLY reason why the boys can perform. Hai na? Their talent takes a sideliner when the wives’ prayers are at work. Not girlfriends’. Because cheee, our culture doesn’t allow girlfriends. We can applaud and ogle at the non-Indian cricket player’s wives and girlfriends’ because that is allowed in their foreign culture. But when it comes to us? No way in hell! If Kohli does well, it is thanks to his talent with the bat. If he has a crunch day, it is because of the bad luck and the distraction that the actress girlfriend brings. We aren’t even going to look at the fact that Kohli has toned down his rowdiness so much since his relationship started. The girl has a truly calming effect on him. He was a star since his under-19 days and he will be a bigger star.

Anybody remembers the 1960s? The era when the beautiful Sharmila Tagore started seeing the so-very-handsome Pataudi? There was a point where Pataudi lost his form. Everyone forgot one tiny fact that his talent shone even when he was blind in one eye. There were jokes galore that Sharmila was distracting him and called him to go for dinner and he said to wait a minute, he will be right back. Aah, so funny. But that was 1960s. We have progressed so much since then. We are on our way to be a global superpower, economically stronger. We are so modern, ride fancy bikes, we travel by air everywhere, shop at Zara in Dubai and Singapore. Just read the jokes and tweets slandering Anushka. Have we really progressed now? Honestly, if one of the team members comes out of the closet, I shudder to think how our public will take them down. We have such a low opinion of anyone not being, apparently, ‘mard enough’.

Cricket is a very unpredictable game. You never know what will happen till that last ball is bowled. We have seen that time and again. Yet we chose to pin this loss to a woman who, by common public consensus, distracted our boy Virat. I am so proud of our cricket fans. Most of them are the young ones who cluck their tongues appropriately when there is a story about a molestation, who keep re-iterating the fact that they respect women when stories about eve-teasing break out, who themselves have girlfriends. They talk about a woman’s respect and how Anushka ruined Kohli in the same breath. Many girls I know are forwarding jokes about Anushka as well. The very same girls who also send forwards about how beautiful motherhood is, who post stories on FB about girls standing up against molesters, and who are trying to pave their paths.

People, don’t talk about woman empowerment, gender respect and equality only because it is fashionable to do so. Don’t go posting and harping about ‘men for women’ only because it is politically correct. Learn to appreciate the world without looking at the sexes. Don’t prove time and again that we are a bunch of narrow minded, ignorant, disrespectful twats.

 Team India, you have my absolute respect. Cricket fans of India, I am ashamed to be a part of a clique like yours.

Peace out.

The Ban Brigade

WARNING : I am extremely angry and need a vent right now. I am not proof-reading this and I admit there is a lot of cussing and anger and negativity in this post.

DO NOT READ

DO NOT READ

DO NOT READ

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 I am sick and tired of the Govt’s attitude of banning this and banning that, left right and f-ing center. I am sick of the shortsightedness shown by these fools when it comes to justice and equality. I am do disgusted that I want to scream and slap the f-ing shit out of everyone. Arrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhh

I read about the horrendous mindset of the Delhi rapist. So nonchalantly he said that if the girl wouldn’t have struggled, she wouldn’t have been that injured. You f-ing bastard. You inflicted that pain of inserting the iron rod through her for teaching her a lesson? I should scratch your eye balls out with my bare hands for  just so much as glancing at a woman. He proclaims that raping a woman is a way of teaching her a lesson for roaming outside late at night, for wearing short skirts. The way things are right now, he may as well say that women need to be punished for wearing skirts, sarees, ghagras or even a burkha, for going out and filling water from wells, for going to work to earn a square meal, for going to school, for taking birth. YES. For taking birth. We have reached that stage where there are hyenas on streets luring little girls and raping them. What crime would they be committing that they must be raped as punishment?

The lawyer is even better of a specimen. HE proudly says that India has the best culture. I f-ing spit on your culture you useless piece of wasted sperm. You want to burn your daughter because she dared to stepped out of the house? I want to burn your one arm off, the one that pledged to stand up for truth and justice. Why don’t you get banned?

Rajnath Singh, HONORABLE home minister of India wants to ban the documentary. They are worried tourism will get affected. He says he was hurt when he heard about it. Meenakshi Lekhi wants the documentary filmmaker to be charged by cops. You f-ing morons, you are charging the wrong people! One of the most barbaric rapists is going to walk out in 3 years to hound more girls. That is not worrisome to you? Jaya Bachchan squeezed out a couple of fat droplets from her eyes claiming it is an insult to Nirbhaya is this documentary is aired. You stun me, woman. You have forgotten that you belong to a party which has men claiming boys will be boys and they make mistakes sometimes. I want to bang my head on the wall at the situation.

The one voice of reason was Anu Aga, who said that banning is not the answer. The main issue is the mindset and we need to confront the situation where men do not respect women and the blame is squarely on a woman after any rape.

Meanwhile, our awesomesauce censor board have directed the makers of the movie Dum Laga Ke Haisha to bleep out the word ‘Lesbian’. Yup. We are that country where we think marital rape is alright but words like Lesbian pose harm to society. Ashoke Pandit claims he was not a part of that decision to ban the word and has used the hashtag #freedomof speech. Freedom of speech gaya tel lene when he claimed K Jo has s*x with his mother after the roast. Which again, was simply, banned. Their p*nties are bunched up when they hear the word Bombay instead of Mumbai. A Manoj Bajpai movie is in trouble. Why? Because he will be playing a professor who was suspended because of being gay. The injustice meted out is chalta hai but showing it is not fine. Waah re waah.

Ban your idiotic minds you pieces of assholic junk sitting in the high chairs of the country’s top office. Open your eyes and face the real f-ing problem!!!!! You make me want to throw up.