10

Draw the blinds…

She was having a great time at the pool side. She had the barbeque ready and her friends were splashing about in the water. The spread of choice meats was looking good, the drinks were over flowing and the chips and guacamole were disappearing at a good speed. There were other residents in the pool as well and everyone was having a good time. The Labor Day BBQ event was turning out to be a success. Her Retriever mutt, Jack was snoozing in the apartment after his hearty breakfast. She was feeling good about her life. Specially about the fact that she was on her own, no roomies. She could cook whatever, live however and that she could walk around in the buff at home whenever she wanted!

The older gentleman that she saw almost every other weekend when her buddies would join her at the pool was there too. He was the resident Uncle McOldie. He had just struck up a conversation about Steelers, Rams, Orioles and which QuarterBack was going to rule this NFL season with her bud. She had realized by now that he knew pretty much everyone at the apartments. 

He started to talk to her. He asked her generally which wing she was in. And then he guessed it himself and told her that he knew she had a dog. She wasn’t quite prepared for what came next.

“Oh yes, I look into your apartment every night.”

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PS: True story. I was at the party, but it’s not me. But lessons have been learnt. *Rolling eyes*

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28

Why you shouldn’t be living alone and why you should be…

So you have lived with your parents or roommates all along and you decide to take a plunge into normal adult life where you want to live independently and on your own terms. Or you may want to get away from a totally neurotic 60 year old crazy woman who has partial OCD and doesn’t give you the key to her iron door and gives you a tiny, tiny stove in the name of a kitchen. Aaaarrrgghhh. You may want to taste that freedom before (if) you get hitched and bound for life. Meh. 

I just did it, and here is why I will give you some good reasons to not do it.

1. Your rent is going to increase multifold. I did a stupid accounting mistake thanks to bi-weekly paychecks and now I am scrambling around figuring out the major dip in my banking account.

2. Utilities. You will be responsible for those. All of those. You will suddenly realize that you are an electricity guzzler and internet freak. You will also be responsible to buy lame things like dishwashing soap, and toilet bowl cleaner. Yuk.

3. If you have lived with parents so far, you WILL have to cook. Don’t think about eating out all the time, because point number 1. If you had cooking turns with roommate, you will miss the days where you could just chill and your roommate slogged. If you were in a PG situation, then you may be used to it.

4. If you are a hoarder like me, you will have atleast 15 big boxes and 2-3 suitcases with 4-5 plastic bags of stuff. Your back will hurt like no tomorrow and you will feel overwhelemed looking at the stuff you have.

5. I label my boxes like ‘kitchen-immediate use’, ‘bags, headgear and steam iron’, ‘dinner set and towel’. But there are two boxes I had to call ‘random shit’. I hate items that don’t have categories because they are usually small and hard to organize. Where the hell do I keep my finger puppet?? At least my Viking helmet, bunny ears, Disney Minnie ears and witch hat belonged to ‘Headgears’. Do I sound a leeeetle bit crazy?

6. I usually end up losing some stuff. So will you. Agreed you will find money and stuff in hidden places, but overall, you will lose stuff. I am still looking for my car registration papers due in November. Mummmmyyy.

7. When you live alone, you will have to take care of the uninvited guests. The creepy crawlies. Yep. No one is going to show up with a slipper when you yell out Spiiiidddddeeerrr!!

8. You will have to throw out the trash on your own, every few days. And collect the mail, every few days.

9. You will have to clean the house regularly on your own so that it doesn’t look like a hobo’s shelter.

10. You are responsible for your safety and to check if all the windows and doors are locked shut every night. There won’t be another person to blame if God forbid, something happens. Just run very fast back to your room after turning the lights off in the living room.

ONE reason why you should live on your own:

NO MORE PANTS in the house!!!