33

The finale: When this Coffee met her Bagel.

This has been in-the-works for a while now(close to a year), but I took my own sweet time to put it down in words and this has been an exceptionally hard post to write. Meeting this boy was surreal and serendipitous and would not have happened without some strong intervention from fate, or intuition, if you will. Maybe the universe really does work in mysterious ways, and you catch feelings when you least expect it. Like stomach flu, but in a good way. No?

So, ladies and gentlemen, here’s Mr. PB!

It started from a state of being absolutely and totally over any kind of dating, including online matrimonial portals. I had met another boy(#7) that I haven’t written about who was eerily similar to Boy 6 and deserves minimal mentions. Yet, I gave him a few chances and the last dinner date at his place and a walk on the beach confirmed that I never wanted to see him again. Well, the cringe that I felt inside when he touched me, should have sealed the deal, but I was still giving him a chance of redemption. Anyways, I was done and I let him know that.

But me being me, I opened the Coffee Meets Bagel app for ‘one final time’ and came across this one profile. I cant say much about his pictures because to be honest, I wasn’t sure for a few dates which one was I dating! The dude had most of his pictures in sunglasses, OR with his similar looking brother! Sheesh. But something about his profile caught my eye and I decided to try and connect with him. Alas, that lasted for a day because once we exchanged hey’s, he asked me about my non-profit work, and I was blown off with a ‘That’s a nice story but I worked way too hard and I gotta crash’ text after my reply which was more or less like a 250 words essay. I was convinced that it was a lie, because, err, I may or may not have used that in the past. A few days later, after no communication between the two of us, CMB reminded him that it was the last day before the line was closed off. I had assumed this interaction to be the end of it, just like many other missed chances. But the notification seemed to have prompted him to leave his number to get in touch later. I saved his number, with no intention of texting back. Because, hey! Ego! Y’all know me well enough already.

A week or two later, my grad school buddies were in SD for the weekend, and I had S+A’s wedding to attend that Sunday in OC. Hilarious drinking ensued on all 3 nights with some heart to heart talks with my favorite girlfriends(and the boys too) across the table as well as continents, who somehow convinced me to give dating another shot. Some incidents on Saturday night, and the wedding itself, pushed me further towards his profile’s direction. The boy’s profile was looked at and judged by the girls ‘during’ tequila shots and I was hit in the head for not texting back. So I did. 🙂

As soon as we started texting, he asked me out for a drink and I suggested one of my favorite places for a Brewery event that I already had planned on attending that Saturday. Because God forbid, I have to change my plans for anything or anyone. Now that I think of it, I set the date up to be a failure, unknowingly. There was all that beer(he is a whiskey kind of a guy), the brewery is stuffed at that time(he prefers places we can talk in peace, or dance at!), my friends could have been there(dumbest idea ever, duh) and the event had only vegan food(only PB was a happy bunny here). I had already reached and was waiting for him to show up, and then he did…

I don’t really know how to express it all in words, but the fact that we spent almost 6 hours together, should tell you enough how the date really went. We left the brewery within the hour and walked over to a cocktail bar next door, and that place stands as witness to the most beautiful turn our lives were taking together. We spent the next many hours sitting on barstools there, where we had assumed we would be spending just the next hour perhaps. We drank cool charcoal cocktails, ate some yummy food, talked about all things sundry, while my heart did backflips everytime he laughed and clapped his hands together! His eyes caught his smile and it was making me flutter. He drove me back home and dropped me just outside my apartment. We said bye, I went in and I panicked. I had caught feelings…

We met, and we couldn’t stop meeting. I missed him when I couldn’t see him, and when I saw him, I couldn’t have enough of him. And, he really was busy at work and not bluffing, as I initially thought. Dude’s a workaholic! I haven’t told him this yet, but I was falling so hard for him, that I was losing sleep! We attributed it to stress at that time, but I knew what was up with me. I was losing my appetite(that’s the most obnoxious sign), I was failing to understand jokes and I could not stop thinking about him. I really hoped that he was feeling the same way about me, like my soul depended on it. Post some amazing cocktails, an adoption event by my dog rescue, a movie where I tried hard not to cry, a beautiful evening at Mt. Soledad, a Cinco de Mayo with homemade tacos, some Ramen and Pho, a dash of dancing, some weekend trips to snow clad mountains, a first international trip together, here we are.

We have had an amazing year together, and I still have the giddy school girl feeling inside me when I think about him, see him and snuggle into him. He loves reading, traveling and sports, and plays cricket for the local league. He has a curious and intelligent mind, with a will to leave more positive impacts on the world. He has never lived with dogs before, but his compassion towards them, and towards people, makes me happy. One of the best things about him is his emotional availability that makes him very expressive with words and they have so much sincerity in them. He is an absolutely wonderful friend and family boy. He loves to laugh freely, sing loudly and is not afraid of showing emotions. He is very expressive about showering me with love, irrespective of us being alone, or with another hundred people. When he squeezes my hand, or me, I feel that all is right in the world. And, oh so handsome! This gorgeous and wonderful boy is mine, and I am his.

I feel like he gets me. He gets my silences, and my laughter. I have opened up like never before, and although this vulnerability freaks the bejesus out of me, I don’t mind it. I do have my moments though, of course. My famously thin skin, the ability to take each and every word to heart and then stewing over it and my bucket loads of insecurities are making this all pretty fun too. Ask him! He calls himself an overcommunicator, and I tend to shut down, so he is making me come out of my shell. I am learning to express myself in ways that I never have. The calm that he brings over me, remains unmatched. He is the stillness to my turbulence, the words to my silences, and a perfectly suitable ear to my rants. We couldn’t be more opposite to each other, yet we somehow ‘meet in the middle’, and will hopefully continue to. So, this was what the heavens had planned for me, and I truly am grateful for this wait. We are in love with each other, completely and hopelessly.

Finishing up this story that I have held to my heart for almost a year now, I feel a beautiful energy surrounding me. Being newly engaged, and so deeply in love, I somehow cannot think of having it any other way. He is the most spectacularly amazing thing that is happening to me, and I cannot wait to see how we shape up together. Our story has just begun and hopefully we live a beautiful life together. Me and mi amor…

8

How not to be THAT girl on Tinder…

I have spoken plenty on how guys should behave on Tinder/Coffee Meets Bagel/Bumble or whatever profile you are on. But for the sake of equality, I should jot down the way us girls should also behave. It is unfair to demand only men be a certain way while being totally disrespectful and/or obnoxious. There is no reason we should get away with it.

I am guilty of a fair few things here and I am trying to work on it. I will not talk about what results have come my way yet. Because, nope. But still, in the hopes of being an overall better person, I would like to implement all of these, and would love it if my gal pals could too as well. So here it goes…

  1. First and foremost, keep an open mind, for God’s sakes! 1-2 dates aren’t enough to judge a person usually, unless it’s gone way south already.
  2. Please respect time. “Don’t ask me why I am late if I am wearing a winged eyeliner” is not acceptable. Please!
  3. Don’t ridicule a guy’s English without any context about his background. In the same vein, if you are not comfortable and feel a language barrier creeping up, its okay! It happens.
  4. Do not talk about your ex unless it comes up, and keep it light and breezy. You are talking to a potential partner and not to an agony aunt.
  5. This is a point of debate, but I always offer to split. I do consider it gentlemanly if the guy picks up the tab a couple of times at least in the beginning, but I can be my own sugar mama too.
  6. Do not lecture someone on vegetarianism or veganism, or even meat eating. Start the lecture after a few dates. 😉
  7. Reminder to myself: Displaying shock and anger and arguing over why everyone MUST read Harry Potter is not gonna get you anywhere. Look surprised, take a deep breath, mention subtly how it is the best series ever, and move on to his other interests.
  8. Ladies, keep the phone away, please. Okay, a picture for your yelp is okay(once you explain your elite status, woohoo!) but dont start Instagrammin’.
  9. Please don’t be mean and condescending about his interests, family, friends, job, background. It’s not nice anyways, and anywhere.
  10. In the same vein, don’t be mean about other people. Not on a date, and not even otherwise. It’s just not nice. Occasional lapses are of course allowed, with the BFF.

So go ahead, take that chance…. You never know….

 

24

Dating Tales : Boy 6 : Date 1

Wanted: Very well educated, very high up in the medical field, cultured, extremely sexist, Obamacare opposer, self absorbed douche, humblebrag, homophobic Indian man.

Enter my last date.
It was awful you guys, just awful. To let you know the degree of the awfulness, I SKIPPED THE OFFER OF FREE ICECREAM AND BOLTED!
Without going into too many details, I will again list down some pointers on what NOT to do on a date, inspired by the douchebag:

Do not suggest a place, and then go back on it 5 times, forcing the girl to put her foot down on the pre-decided place.

  • If she says, she is okay not drinking and prefers to not have alcohol on weekdays, do not respond with “C’mon, dont be so old!”
  • Do not keep bitching about the parking situation. She f*ing walked a mile after parking her car, whereas, you drove around for 10 minutes, and parked right in front of the cafe. Also, while walking her to her car, dont be snarky about her parking far away. It is f*ing Little Italy! No easy parking!
  • Do not keep talking only about yourself, and do realize EVERYONE is working hard and has a respectable job.
  • Do not go ‘but that’s easy’ when she tells you about her friends being physical therapists, or orthodontists, etc. We get it that you had lots more to do, but dont be such a loser.
  • Do not say something stupid about same-s*x relationships and then follow it with ‘Not that I have a problem’ with a sarcastic laugh. You aren’t Seinfeld.
  • Do not ask more than 5 questions to the server about the menu. Do not ask him to explain the ENTIRE menu. Do not go over EVERY drink, specially when her food has arrived and has been waiting for 5 minutes getting cold.
  • Do not give a speech on Obamacare for 20 minutes, and do pay attention when her eyes glaze over.
  • Do not say these words: Ah well, I shouldnt say this, usually girls are Hillary supporters *Sarcastic laugh*
  • Just dont be an a**h#le, okay?
ANNNDDDD, if she hasnt responded to you in the last 2 weeks, DO NOT call her at 2.58 am on the weekend. NOPE.
45

15 steps to avoid being a weirdo on Tinder

So, I have been trying out Truly Madly in India and Tinder in my area in California. The experience so far has been very wavy. I haven’t met anyone yet, but I am planning to meet some of the guys I have been talking to soon-ish. Let’ see how it turns out. Maybe if nothing else, they will give me some blog content. I feel horrible pangs of heartache and have phases of relapsing into old memories. But I am trying really hard. I wonder what is he doing. 

So far, some of the boys that I have spoken to have been really, really weird. With a few exceptions, of course. I do not know if it’s a mentality or a grooming issue. I have mostly been swiping for Indian guys, because that’s what I am into. I have also spoken to some gora guys but that wavelength merge with such a different culture could be too much for me to handle. You know what I mean? It is just a personal preference for me, and to each his own. Although Gora guys have been matching up with me, but they could just be, you know, expanding their portfolios. Haha!

 

Now as a Public Service announcement, if you are a boy on tinder, please use the following guidelines to avoid turning off a girl. I think some points work for both the sexes, but I am not sure what to tell girls because I have no idea what their dating scene looks like. In my head, I am perfection. 😀 

 1.       Do not assume that if an Indian girl is on Tinder, she is bold and easy. You will make yourself look like a h*rny idiot.

2.       Do not open a conversation with Hie or Hye. Horrible.

3.       Do not use the term Daru(alcohol) after every 5 sentences. You just come across like a raging alcoholic or like a typical college kid who is screaming ‘I drink daru! So I am very cool!!’

4.       Do not ask a girl if she has done the deed with her ex-boyfriend. My friend went through such a conversation with a total turd.

5.       Do not put mirror or gym selfies as your profile picture.

6.       Do not ask her how can she be a vegetarian. She can be whatever the hell she wants to be.

7.       Do not ask her for her favorite author and proceed to insult the said author’s books. You will get whacked by the fattest book of the series.

8.       Do not send her a Facebook friend request the same day as you started talking to her. Nothing screams more desperate than that.

9.       Do not say ‘Oh, I don’t expect girls to be in Mechanical Engineering’ unless you want a screwdriver up your ###.

10.   Do not call her things like ‘Sunshine’ right on the second day of starting chatting. She may be a dark thunder cloud, you never know. Nicknames are best avoided.

11.   Do not be on Tinder if you are the kind of guy who will date like a Romeo and marry the girl only your Mumma chooses. There is Shaadi.com for that.

12.   Do  not ask a girl ‘if she does too much shopping’. It’s her money and she can set it on fire if she wishes to. 

13.   Do not start dissing India. Don’t be ‘that’ kind of a guy.

14.   Do not call anyone ‘so gay’. You will stink of narrow-mindedness and shortsightedness and there is no cologne to care of that. 

15.   Do not be someone you are not. If you are all of the above and pretend to be not, it is way worse. Open your mind and heart a bit, and you will do so much better in life.

*Going back to swiping left n right*