24

If Social Media Came To Life…

Time and again I have mentioned how addicted I am to Social Media. I usually end up sleeping late thanks to endless browsing and pinning on Pinterest or looking up something on Instagram. And if nothing else, Facebook to the rescue! If I had devoted so much time to books during my academic career, I would have been in an Ivy League. Ah well…

The fluff in my head was uber active today morning and cooked up this delish idea of how Social Media would be if they lived amongst us. So, I humanized the ones I know and use and chalked out their traits.

· Facebook : Incessant chatterbox they are. They don’t know what information is too much to share and when to stop. Now, who announces that “Hey! I just pee-ed!” I am just glad they don’t show me a picture of it. They will always tell me what their current location is and with who. What? You want me to stalk you? They have a hard time understanding that reading out their personal diary when you are hanging out as a large group is highly inappropriate. But atleast the whole ‘too talkative’ nature comes into help when they help update the people hanging out with them about some relevant social issues and general awareness. Of course, offending someone or themselves is a side effect.

· Instagram : If you decide to hang out at a cool place with them, get out of the car, meet them and don’t take a selfie right away, they are going to be so pissed! Vanity is their second name. The iPhones are kept completely charged lest the sky manifest itself into striking colors or a rock is placed suitably well next to a leaf. They consider themselves almost professional photographers thanks to bending down at weird angle to take pictures. They are usually philosophical who attach deep meanings to most every day, mundane things. Do not dare to eat your food right away after served and before they are done taking pictures of it at weird angles.

· WordPress : If anyone can beat Facebook at talking, it’s them. You know those people who can speak for an hour about ‘The green chair’? Yep, you know WordPress rather well then. Classic overthinkers, they can whip up a problem in their head and drive themselves nuts with the thought that it is only them who are the most miserable. But they usually are very well researched and knowledgeable. If you are in the market for a new computer/camera/makeup, you can ask them and they will help to get the most bang out of your buck. Some have a great sense of humor and will keep you in splits while you are in their company. But yep, be ready to listen about some topic for an hour at least, because they will not know when to stop! Some will even try to humanize every inanimate thing, what losers.(Ha!) Which brings us to…

· Twitter : They are the exact opposites of WordPress. They are the kings/queens of short and crisp talks and like to keep things moving. Hour long drawls are succinctly expressed by Twitters in 140 words or less. They like to wrap up things fast and if you want an explanation, they will promise to ‘tell you later’ and slink away. It doesn’t help a curious cat like me, but, well… Most of them are sort of up there in social status and fame, so they are your fancy buddies.

· LinkedIn : Extremely career obsessed is one of their traits that stands out. In a group of people, they will be the ones who are most likely to start talking about their jobs and what projects they are currently working on and how their GPA is better than yours. They are always looking for networking opportunities. Some will not hesitate a bit to ask you to refer them to your company even if they met you for the first time, like, 5 seconds back. They don’t want anything to do with friendship, so consider their involvement with you more at a professional front.

· Yelp : I love these fellows! They are my favorite people who don’t eat to live, but live to eat. I can hang out with them for any meal and have a grand time out of it. They know cool places to eat in and out and aren’t afraid of checking new cuisines out. Complete foodies, through and through!

· Google+ : Sigh.

Regina: [referring to Cady’s bracelet] I love it!

Gretchen: So Fetch!

Regina: What is fetch?

Gretchen: Oh, it’s like slang, from… England.

Poor Google+ is our very own Gretchen from Mean Girls, insisting they are cool to fit in. Aww. Don’t worry, it’s not about being cool, it’s about getting things right and one day you will. 😉

· Pinterest : You would always want to hang out at their beautiful homes with flowing drapes and handmade French cookies. They are the loveliest, biggest DIY-ers. The only hitch is they are always broke, thanks to spending $ 50 making a shower gel that could have cost $ 5. But at least they smell like Lavender.

  

30

Hello, 15 year old me

Dear 15 year old PB,

Hullo there! How are you doing? I hope this letter finds you in the pink of health. Just like how you open the letter in every letter-writing assignment/exam. Yup, I remember. I remember how horrible your Marathi was when you just started school in Pune. Thanks to mum, you learnt so much! Good job! Don’t be embarrassed when people wonder why your Marathi is so bad even if it is your mother tongue. They should be equally embarrassed about their Hindi, living in India. So gah to them.

PB, I know you are going through really hard times. Your 10th is on. People are piling on great stress on your small skinny shoulders. But don’t worry. You will pull through. Eventually you will learn how grades are not the biggest deal in the world. But you will also learn that in competitive exams, grades will pull you ahead and make things easier for you. It is true that nobody will ask your marks later on. But it is also true that during landmarks, those very marks will take away a lot of stress from your head. So buck up, and pay attention to mum when she is teaching you Trigonometry. You are going to love it, I promise, and she is going to do a great job building up your math capabilities. I wish you keep listening to her and studying with her, cuz, ah well, you will eventually realize how important she was to your studies and building the basics and how you should have stuck with her rather than being stubborn. Thank your mom. And your dad(even if he starts yawning at the mere mention of taking English lessons). It is courtesy them, that you have a career with such hi-fi  technical terms in the name.

PB, I also know why your fragile mind is so nervous. There are things inside. Things that only you know how you are going through. I want you to talk to mum and dad about it sooner rather than a nervous breakdown happening. Talk to them about how you are facing extreme bullying. Tell them that you are being insulted in every step of the way. Speak and discuss about how you can face this with strength of character and come out unscathed. Also, direct your anger positively. It is coming out on the wrong people. Your meekness in the outside world doesn’t have to make you yell at your loved ones.

 PB, the people you are with, they are not going to shape your life. Heck, they won’t even exist a few years down the line. You don’t have to put up with this struggle to please people just so that you can sit with someone to have your lunch. It will not matter eventually. All your childhood, you have gone through this struggle to make people accept you. You have been like that monkey who does tricks on orders. Don’t be. You get laughed at because you say weird things, look weird, behave weirdly. It’s OK. There will be people who accept this very weirdness of yours eventually. It is worth waiting for them rather than being what you are not.

 Don’t be ashamed of your soda glasses. At least you have a smile that reaches your eyes. You know your eyes cannot hide the truth. Likes or dislikes are a major giveaway with your eyes. Be happy that you can’t fake it. Unlike those people you call friends who look at you coldly with a smile on their lips. This inability to fake what you feel, will help you weed out people who can’t stand how you are. You will not understand it now, but give it some time.

 Having a boyfriend is NOT a big deal in school. You don’t need to have one to be cool. You will have enough boy trouble down the line. You will have tons of dates, boyfriends, crushes, guy friends falling for your quirks, ruined friendships thanks to them. Don’t feel embarrassed when classmates link each other up. Enjoy it to the hilt. Even if the other guys feel insulted on being linked to you, learn to ignore. Trust me, there is a ton of drama in store for you. They can make a movie out of you later on. Start thinking who you want to play you.(Pssst… Deepika Padukone, that cutie from the close-up ad is going to be really hot eventually). Enjoy your crushes. God knows you have way too many. Your future BFF will count 14 at a given time in 3rd year of BE. 😀 But please for God’s sake, stay away from that loser you will meet when you will be 18. RUN far away!

 On that point, that guy who is supposedly your friend? He said something like when you see PB from behind, she’s so HOT, But when you see her face, she’s a nightmare. Please ignore it! You are quite alright, girl! Keep wearing your skirts for those legs you love to flaunt. What your mausi(aunt) had called ‘Barbie legs’. 🙂

Some fashion advice. Don’t wear those purple pants with the side slits till mid calves. Please. 

 Your family is going to compare you and your perfect 4.0 cousin a lot. Please do not take it to heart. Your life is perfectly alright with a 3.0 but a gift of gab that you have. Keep dancing, keep singing, keep painting, and keep up your love of books and trivia. It is okay if you are a jack of all trades and master of none. Let others have that pleasure. You will learn to love your average-ness. Someone will post a lovely video on your blog about it  and it will make you even happier!

Your Moony is going to be the love of your life. He is 2 now, right? He is going to chew up your shoes for the 8th time if you don’t watch out! Enjoy the time with him. In a couple of years, you will leave home for hostel and eventually abroad, and you will miss your baby boy constantly. That bundle of energy is going to turn into a lump of sleep later on. So continue bugging him. 😉 Take care of his legs. They are genetically fragile. Stop feeding him nonsense. But I guess its fine. He is a happy creature and he loves you too much. Even if he keeps biting you and gets mad at you with jealousy for going out with the alpha-dog(that is your father. Ahem.) You will doubt his memory and love, but you will be amazed when he remembers you after a loooooong gap and comes jumping at you even if his legs can’t support him. Just hug him. Keep hugging him. Always.

 Now don’t listen to me too much. I barely still know anything.

 Take care, you.

 Love,

 27 year ‘OLD’ PB.