Just breathe(And then freak the F out)

I have a very important cautionary note for people who meet me, and are close to me. It’s not easy being me. I am not an easy person to deal with, and heck, I cant handle myself most of the time. I pity the poor  who still have stuck around me to discover how I am the most adorable creature ever. Right, Moo?

I have realized something over the past few months after starting at this job with the new head of the company. He can be a tad impatient with the R&D process. That more or less results in stressful situations that shouldn’t even be that way. Me being me, I panic easily. What I have learnt about myself is that my body reacts to stressful situations by numbing down. I feel insanely sleepy as soon as my b^tt’s on fire and it gets comically difficult for me to even keep my eyes open! I struggle to stifle yawns while he is talking to me and it’s even worse trying to prevent that sunscreen-moisturizer-ey perspiration thing happening. It’s a mad struggle and I have to rush to caffeinate myself. But then, I get cracking on my task, and then it just flows.

This mode of panic has resulted in some ridiculous incidents in the past. I am pretty sure, the mad bouts of stress induced laughter before exam times are etched in S’s mind. We knew we are going to drop dead post exam, so might as well, err, ‘live love LAUGH’! I have jumped off and back into another compartment of a moving local train in a bout of panic attack to ensure that my friend got on safely. And I jumped off and back into my original one with another friend! Why? PANIC! I have cried my eyeballs out, laughed, done both at the same times, tripped over my two feet bouncing around the room, fallen into a puddle running at full speed, fallen into a pool of dog throw-up, and so many oddball things for no reason except panic.

I had a pretty bad hormone induced panicky situation, over the last weekend when I started my periods a couple days early which may have wrecked havoc on my hormones. For 2 days, I was a sobbing, crying mess of tears and even I couldn’t figure out why. I tried to go to the mall to improve my situation and had a meltdown at the Bath and Body Works store. I was texting Moo the whole time with fat tears rolling down my cheeks and she was being a cheeky little thing laughing at me. I was going through the worst things in my mind, and I was having full blown panic attacks with me struggling to breathe. I was being extremely needy and irrationally upset. Thankfully the anxiety died down after my day 1 got done, and some food getting into my system with some TLC and a heartwarming bowl of dal(lentils) and rice.

I came across an old FB memory where Ani said that I could just give her a missed call if I still had butterflies about actually making a phone call! Yep! I don’t know why, but trying to call people up puts me in a weird panic mode. So does my entire hold list at the library becoming available with just 21 days to finish EVERYTHING. And meeting brand new people without any dogs to latch onto. And telling the server that they gave me water with ice, when I asked for water without ice. And trying to coordinate with 5 people about meeting somewhere when 2 of them are the classic flakes. And the list goes on…

So what do I do to handle it? I just cry till I fall into a stupor.

I kid, I kid.

So simple! I put on a nice, bright smile while my insides scream at the highest decibel unheard by human ears and go on with my day! A very powerfully uplifting thing that is, a smile. 🙂



When furry friends turn into furry foes…

Animals can stink too…

How many times have you gone ahead thinking that the animal is going to be a perfectly cute fluffy thing, when it decided that it hates you? For people generally afraid, it is going to be an everyday thing perhaps, but for people who live for the furry ones, it’s a nightmare. Recently, there was a talk about a flight attendant refusing an emotional support peacock’s entry into the flight. Umm, since when has a bird in closed spaces been a source of comfort? Also, peacocks are assh*les.

You guys may or may not know this, but I am mortally afraid of cows. It has been my lifelong fear that a cow is going to maul me, or a bull is going to sear it’s horns through me like sheesh kabab. Every summer vacation was spent in Jaipur, Rajasthan and it had an unnaturally high number of cows and bulls roaming the streets. The bulls looked specially vicious with dark circles, the big hump and really sharp horns. somehow they looked permanently angry to me. the cows are big too, with their giant staring eyes and they do not put me at ease in any way. We have even witnessed bull fights with bikes and scooters tumbling everywhere. I was a teary, snotty mess who just wanted to get away. I also totally believed in the lore that cows and bulls hated the color red. I would cry and cry if my mom made me wear red dresses. In my defense, I was under 10(fine, under 12) years old. But the scars are still etched in my memories.

I remember when I was 6 and we lived in New Delhi, there was a tree in front of our terrace. My dad and mom would enjoy their morning tea by the balcony railing, looking out. But that soon stopped for at least a few months. The reason? My dad pointed his finger at a crow nest to show my mom some newly laid eggs. The crows decided that my poor dad meant every kind of harm possible, and would attack every time he ventured out. Even while coming home from outside, my dad had to put his briefcase or newspaper on top of his head and practically sprint inside. Something similar happened to my buddy when the xbf, me, and our friends were talking a walk at Central Park, New York City. Our friend was an amateur photographer. While walking he spotted a few birds up a tree and decided to take some pictures. While he was taking pictures, we suddenly heard a bunch of swooping sounds and saw a tiny bird going straight at him in a very Angry Birds like way! We ran as fast as we could, away from the tree! Our buddy saw the bird coming straight at him through the lens, but he got some great shots! A peacock has done the same to me at San Diego zoo. I was taking it’s pictures, and then suddenly it’s coming wayyyy closer!

Now y’all know my stance that dogs can do no wrong. But I will sneak in a tiny story about this satan’s spawn that was born in the form of my a Pomeranian. His name was Bruno and he belonged to my mom’s sister’s family, in Jaipur. That dog had bitten every member of his own family, and extended, and some more people. All the bitten people only received a tetanus injection, so we are still watching for signs of barking from my mom. My dad and I had been spared. I was a little dog crazy kid and I yearned for him to love me. So I would smear peanut butter on my legs for him to come and lick me, but dare I touch him. The only time anyone except his parents and my one cousin could touch him was during car rides while he looked out of the windows. The crazy dog has bitten people when they woke up and put feet down from their beds, or if they moved chairs while sitting on the dining table, or if they went to use the restroom at night, or just for existing. Though, I would still blame his family for not bringing him up right when he was a puppy.

The only dog bite I have ever had in my life was also from a Pomeranian. They aren’t temperamentally the best, so it really falls down on the human to teach them to play right. Which people totally fail at. I could write some stories about Moony being mean to me, but that was only because I was the other puppy in his family!

Aah well, they are sweet, snuggly, adorable, but they really can stink sometimes. Sounds like people, eh? Don’t let that stop you from loving them, humans or animals!


Random stuff again…

1. I prefer to slouch rather than sit straight. It feels better on my stomach for some reason. It does hurt my neck though which has been chronic since high school. So I slouch and type on my work computer with T-Rex arms. Speaking of my stomach, I have been having trouble doing Sit-Ups properly. The gut’s too big. 😦 I am running out of hard motivation to keep up with working out. Even ‘PB, you aren’t hot anymore!’ isn’t working. Noxious SA, please help! 

2. I have started to dislike Green Tea. I did not love it before, but I could drink it. Now I don’t want anything to do with it. I think I need different flavors or a brand. Also, I don’t like the simple Indian tea without Tea Masala(spice) or Ginger. But I don’t like cardamom.

3. I have happily planted a lot of veggies and herbs in my patio, completely forgetting that there will be bees. I am TERRIFIED of bees. When a bee/fly/whatever would fly into my classroom at school or college, I was the first one to scream like a banshee, shut my ears and duck under the bench. For some reason, shutting my ears is a natural instinct. I have to hand pollinate my cucumber flowers(the male and female flowers are separate), just to make sure that the bees aren’t just freaking me out but doing their jobs, and the giggles are unstoppable. *Insert dirty jokes*

4. It has been pointed out to me that babies like me a lot. Considering that I think of myself as hopeless with kids, it’s sort of an achievement when babies cry with everyone until they come to me(except their mama). I don’t do very much except talk to them and tell them about my day, and rock them continuously. Haha! The rocking is helpful with upper arms too!

5. When you climb at the back of a Target shopping cart and push with one leg, going wheee, it can topple over if empty. I learnt this recently.