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Desperate times, desperate measures

I was dreading this very moment ever since I booked my plane ticket to India. I was thinking of what to say, how to say, and most importantly how to avoid it. But I couldn’t come up with any sort of concrete plan. I decided to wing it. Ladies and Gentleman, if you haven’t guessed it and you are in the age group of 24-beyond, shame on you! It was the shaadi topic. The big question on why and how will I get married.

I don’t know if I have mentioned this before, but around January-February, my parents broached this topic on Skype and I ended up crying and everything. They wanted to put my name down in Anuroop which is a Maharashtrian wedding portal operating out of Pune. It has online services as well and a separate section for NRIs. Anyways, they gave me time till November because then it would have been a year since the xBF left and they assumed a year would be enough to get me out of the mess. Huh, rookie mistake.

So when I reached India, I was coming up with the most creative ways to escape the topic. I did the most ridiculous things ever. My parents have a habit of taking afternoon naps after lunch. After eating, they go into their bedroom and usually chat till they fall asleep. I would escape into the living room to watch TV. Sometimes my mom would call me to the room, but I would just say no! At times she told me to turn the TV off/Come out of the room/etc but I would simply say no. She would laugh at me because she knew what was going on. When I met the school friend at Vaishali we spoke about how parents are getting harder to handle about this whole marriage business. Visiting family friends and relatives are down to grab throats and thrust us into the wedding fire for no rhyme or reason! I asked a couple, if meri khushi bardasht nahi hoti kya? (Do they not want me to be happy). But sigh, all my rants and no’s were being generously ignored. When I told Hrushi(the school friend) how my parents are talking about Anuroop, he was like, “Oh! I am on it! Look me up.” 😀 By the way, my mom asked pretty much for a bio data on him when I mentioned I was meeting such a guy. She is literally walking around with a Sehera in her hands like the tv ad for a marriage website.

On our way back from Mumbai after the visa stamping, my dad asked me if I met the xBF. I told him I spent the 2 days right in front of his eyes except the time I went inside the consulate. How could I have met him? He kept digging further and I told him that I was not in contact with him. He kept probing and I kept up my yes/no non-committal answers. I think I wore him out(successfully) and he said what is he supposed to say when mom raises this topic! I told him to slink away to another room just like me. 😀

One of the days, my mom and I went to a jewelry store to buy me solitaire earrings. I was looking at the rings kept there and told her I will get only a solitaire for my engagement ring. She exclaimed so loudly that I think only the Panipuri wala at the end of the street did not hear her. “Thank God, you at least have plans of getting married!!!”

But the dreaded moment arrived soon after. My mom caught me sitting down leisurely on the couch and my parents decided it was time to put me on the stands. They asked when, why, and why not. They asked me some uncomfortable questions, if I was still hoping for something and if we should call Scube up. I just lied and said no. I was done. But I told them whenever I am ready, I will tell them. I also told them that I need time to find my own boy. I pretty much announced that I was going to date around! My mom got a li’l bit flustered but told me as long as my intentions were ok and I was not going to embarrass them, it was fine. Now, I have to say that their response surprised me quite a bit and sort of was a googly. :-/ The only conditions were that the boy should be Hindu. Fair enough.

I added, that if I cannot find someone, I will honorably ask for their help. They asked if they could still put my name down in Anuroop to at least look at proposals. Now, the whole reason I told them about finding-my-own-boy was to buy time. So I kind of got stuck there. I told them to give me some time. My dad asked how much. Now I don’t know what I was thinking, and if it were my engineering brains, but I told them 314 days. There! I managed to stun them into submission. But surprise, surprise they agreed again and as a compromise, they agreed to start 314 days from 1st Jan 2015. So, 15th Nov is the due date now to put my name down across websites, unless I decide to do it myself by then.

Why 314 days you ask? In that moment of desperation, Pi jumped into my head. 3.14! Getit?? Now that I think of it, I should have used the Avogadro’s number.