15 tips for fellow singles to get through V-Day

So we are going to be celebrating a Singles Awareness Day Saturday on, well, Saturday. On the occasion of this SAD Saturday, let me give you a few pointers to get through the excruciating 24 hours where mush and confetti is going to fall on you non-stop.

1. Do not go out to a theater in full taav(attitude) to watch a movie alone. The only thing you will end up watching is some furious making out ALL AROUND YOU.

2. Do not lose your mind and binge eat that entire box of chocolate. You will regret it so much when you step on the scale. Remember my fellow SAD Saturday observer, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips.

3. Do make something special for yourself or order something nice to eat. My special favorites are Egg curry, Pastas, or Tawa Paneer.

4. Do not go to a restaurant alone. Bad idea. The waiters will either thoroughly ignore you or look at you with such undisguised pity. And mostly, you will end up with a table near the restroom or the kitchen. Plus, you may catch umpteen proposals, a lot of PDA and such disgusting things around you.

5. Watch your favorite sitcom. But do make sure you don’t watch an episode with lovers coming together finally, or people getting married, or anything with hot s*x. NOPE. There, there. We don’t want to cry.

6. Do not stalk your ex’s social media. Reminder to myself have been placed all around the room on post-its. Which are thoroughly neglected.

7. Do not stalk and hate on the new girls he is adding in his friend list. Does not matter how horrible you are sure they are.

8. Do not get drunk and drunk-dial the ex. (*Hiding all my wine*)

9. Do not be that idiot who will post things on Social Media wishing parents, siblings, cousins and friends. This is NOT a family love day. It is a day for proposals, affection and the ‘other’ kind of action.

10. Do not pretend you have a date later in the day. Please. Have some self-respect and be supportive of SAD Saturday.

11. Do not send a bouquet to yourself at work. Even if you are writing a note from Anonymous. People will go, ooooh, but in the inside, you know how pathetic that is.

12. Find other SAD Saturday observers and have a picnic together. We used to have our Pavana Dam trip in college in Lonavala every year. Somehow I would start dating people right after V-day who weren’t even a part of that trip. The group was full of SAD celebrators and Friend-zoned people(mostly boys).

13. Do not go shopping. You will thank me later for saving your credit card debt.

14. Do not talk to or meet anyone in a relationship. They are gross on V-day. Just gross. Unless they don’t celebrate it.

15. Catch the India-Pak cricket World Cup match on a giant TV in a newly married couple’s home. This applies for American time zones specially. Again, which I am doing in San Diego, and I shall re-iterate the exception in my point 14. And pray really hard that we do not lose the winning streak.