Defeating sportsman and female spirit together 101

Awww, India lost.

Honestly, I am upset, but I am not disappointed by our boys in blue. They did great! Remember the series down under where we got absolutely walloped by the Australian willow? We were walking around with red b*tts for months. Everyone, including me, thought that we would be very lucky to even get past the pool matches.

Well, guess what? We made it till the Semis! And un-freaking-defeated!! They did stunning. Our bowling was being critiqued left-right-center but the boys performed so well. The batsmen did absolutely great and Dhawan shone like a star. That guy has something in him. Remember Kohli? Who was said to be in a bad form and criticized for his batting skills? What a stunning knock against Pakistan. Honestly, the only game that mattered to me.


Dear Indian Cricket Team, you did great! . So what if we lost to the Aussies. We lost to a truly deserving team who played beautifully and who made me stay up till 4 am to watch the game.


Why do you think we did good till the semis? Because Anushka wasn’t present? Oooh, has to be because all the pativratha wives were praying super hard and were doing maha mrityunjay jaaps and no water fasts for their husbands. Right? That is the ONLY reason why the boys can perform. Hai na? Their talent takes a sideliner when the wives’ prayers are at work. Not girlfriends’. Because cheee, our culture doesn’t allow girlfriends. We can applaud and ogle at the non-Indian cricket player’s wives and girlfriends’ because that is allowed in their foreign culture. But when it comes to us? No way in hell! If Kohli does well, it is thanks to his talent with the bat. If he has a crunch day, it is because of the bad luck and the distraction that the actress girlfriend brings. We aren’t even going to look at the fact that Kohli has toned down his rowdiness so much since his relationship started. The girl has a truly calming effect on him. He was a star since his under-19 days and he will be a bigger star.

Anybody remembers the 1960s? The era when the beautiful Sharmila Tagore started seeing the so-very-handsome Pataudi? There was a point where Pataudi lost his form. Everyone forgot one tiny fact that his talent shone even when he was blind in one eye. There were jokes galore that Sharmila was distracting him and called him to go for dinner and he said to wait a minute, he will be right back. Aah, so funny. But that was 1960s. We have progressed so much since then. We are on our way to be a global superpower, economically stronger. We are so modern, ride fancy bikes, we travel by air everywhere, shop at Zara in Dubai and Singapore. Just read the jokes and tweets slandering Anushka. Have we really progressed now? Honestly, if one of the team members comes out of the closet, I shudder to think how our public will take them down. We have such a low opinion of anyone not being, apparently, ‘mard enough’.

Cricket is a very unpredictable game. You never know what will happen till that last ball is bowled. We have seen that time and again. Yet we chose to pin this loss to a woman who, by common public consensus, distracted our boy Virat. I am so proud of our cricket fans. Most of them are the young ones who cluck their tongues appropriately when there is a story about a molestation, who keep re-iterating the fact that they respect women when stories about eve-teasing break out, who themselves have girlfriends. They talk about a woman’s respect and how Anushka ruined Kohli in the same breath. Many girls I know are forwarding jokes about Anushka as well. The very same girls who also send forwards about how beautiful motherhood is, who post stories on FB about girls standing up against molesters, and who are trying to pave their paths.

People, don’t talk about woman empowerment, gender respect and equality only because it is fashionable to do so. Don’t go posting and harping about ‘men for women’ only because it is politically correct. Learn to appreciate the world without looking at the sexes. Don’t prove time and again that we are a bunch of narrow minded, ignorant, disrespectful twats.

 Team India, you have my absolute respect. Cricket fans of India, I am ashamed to be a part of a clique like yours.

Peace out.