Tax-exempted dreams

So the budget is out, and the good and the bad is being discussed and shredded by newspapers. There is the usual cacophony of screaming Arnub Goswami “You will not talk about income tax deductions when I am talking about Bharat Mata ki Jai!!!!!!!” and the Congress brouhaha where RG wants Suit-Boot ki sarkaar to reduce costs of dhoti, punctuated with Kejriwal’s whimpers for tax relief on cough medicines and naturopathy Resorts. Modiji will smile and announce that “Govt cares, we pinky-promise”, and our lives will go like always with literally zero changes.

I am upset with a lot of things. Like always. Yes, I want the farmers to progress and yes, I want food available readily and for that we need some sort of security. But I still really, really want some things to be done properly. I don’t currently live in India but I can’t help thinking of how it would be if I was or ow it should be if I were to move back.

Now if I could be all ditzy(like always) and  if I could ask for 5 sops, what would I want??

1. Tax free income :
I work really, really hard to make money. I have to pretend to sit at my desk while I pore over Pinterest and Stumbleupon and ahem, WordPress. I have to endure endless Starbucks Grandes just so that I can look like a normally functioning adult when these oldies have their endless meetings over something as mundane as how to save the company from folding over. And what do I get for that? A paycheck literally cut in half. Like, I don’t even…

2. Cheap drinks :
I am all about priorities. I am not happy with the costs of booze rising and the exorbitant taxes in pubs or nightclubs. I am not for harming my liver AND my wallet at the same time. One thing at a time. The more accessible booze is, the better my mood will be and better for the society it will be. I am less sarcastic, less angry and generally happy when drunk. Same goes for soda served in restaurants. What’s with a gazillion taxes? The kid in a non-descript village has not sacrificed his drinking water just to make me say no to soda because of the damn price. Do the kid a favor, and me too.

3. Cheap food :
A happy tummy is a happy life. My Michael Kors purse feels more and more stretched when I go to eat out. Why is the Finance ministry making eating out more expensive? Dal-Chawal at home is for losers. I just want to have my usual fare of Paneer Tikka, and Pasta Arabiatta and Margherita Italiana pizza without paying for sweeping the Indian streets. I mean, if I am not doing it, why should I pay to do it, that’s what that’s for, right?

4. Tax deduction for makeup and retail :
Our country needs to catch up with the rest of the world, globally and be a global giant on this globe. I totally support FDI and I am absolutely think it will help India reach places. I want Sephora to set up more shops. I want a Clinique counter in EVERY Big Bazar. I want Kat Von D and Too Faced and Nars easily accessible when I run out of my coral blush. I want to be able to run over to Victoria’s Secret when I am not in the mood for laundry. And trust me, we ALL need LuluLemon yoga pants in our lives. And what’s with having to fly abroad every time I need a new Coach handbag?

5. All wheel drive SUVs :
Have you seen the potholes on the roads??In USA, they call it offroading for adventure, in India we call it onroading. Another reason I refuse to pay for sweeping those potholed silly streets. I need a Jeep Cherokee in my life with an all-wheel drive, just to be able to safely go over to my office where I work so hard, without having to spend more money to soothe aching shoulders. Also, road trips! Wheee!

Siggghh, such hard life the Sonam Kapoors and Gwyneth Paltrows around us have…