24

Dating tales : Boy 2 : Date 3

I forced myself to text BS during the week. Partly because I wanted to ask him if he wanted to watch Avengers next week with me and some friends of mine. He mentioned then that he was leaving for India for 3 weeks on that Friday. And then he mentioned that he was in San Francisco for a couple of days for an interview with ‘an Electronics giant whose primary symbol is a bitten fruit.’ I was quite impressed, because landing an interview with them is pretty hard.

After some back and forth, we decided to go for a movie on Friday. I told him Byonkesh Bakshi was still running near my place, but it was a late show. He was all for it. He wanted to meet at around 9.15 pm after dinner because he was at a work dinner thing. I said sure, because I wanted to finish my Zumba class in the evening and eat something healthy anyways. So, I did my dancing, went home, made squash soup(don’t wrinkle your pretty noses, it tastes brilliant!) and then got ready to leave at 9 pm. As I was on my way, he called that he will be late. I just turned away and went to a store called Target to kill time. I was in half a mind to just go back home and cancel on him. But I controlled my anger, and in his defense, I am the mad one about timing and he was at a work soiree which isn’t easy to get off. And then, I left Target only after he called me that he was almost there.

There were like 4 couples in the entire theater. :-/ I chose the most visible seats. It was actually pretty good. The thriller part is quite well executed and I like the whole vintage feel to it. My favorite character HAS to be Puntiram! He is like the ‘Ek Minute’ guy from Kahaani.

For the whole time, I kept the bag of popcorn planted firmly between us on the seat. I was leaning away from him for the 3 hours of the movie so much, that my neck got a nice pull. Do you know that there is a kiss in the movie? What’s the big deal you say? Me too. I was so supremely nonchalant and munching popcorn for the whole while that the heroine was on the screen, or staring at her dead straight with full concentration. Infinitely awkward. Must. Grow. Up.

I made a lot of random jokes before, during and after the movie. I still have no jokes to report from him, or any incident that made me laugh. He may never know how funny, or cute, or loud, my laugh is. Sigh.

While leaving, he gave me a hug. And a peck on my cheek during the said hug.

I still feel absolutely nothing. There is a feeling in my tummy when I think about it, but its not that happy feeling.

I think he likes me, because earlier while texting, he had said that the weekend would be busy because he has to shop and pack for India. But after the movie, he texted if we could meet again. But I had to tell him that I had a house party 40 min away and I was gonna spend the night with friends.

I have to figure out what to do. And soon.

Sigh……. #boyproblems

25

Dating Tales : Boy 2 : Date 2

I had a first second date. If that makes sense at all.

So, I met the guy from last Saturday’s brunch. We shall call him BS from now on, because those are his initials. Now peeps, don’t get over-excited because we don’t know if he is going to be a regular fixture on this blog or not. So calm down. *takes a deep breath*

We met on Friday for dinner at Veggie Grill, which is a vegetarian/vegan place very well known for its almost meaty burgers and salads. He asked me to meet him at 8 pm. But that was so late! Heavens forbid if my watching-YouTube-crap-while-lying-down time gets disturbed. So, I asked him to meet at 7-ish. I told him I may be working late and I will come directly after work. I was just making up stories. I did not want him to pick me up from home. And I thought if I say I am coming directly from work, I can avoid that. While texting on Saturday night, he asked me if I wanted to hike on Sunday morning. But I had to tell him I have plans with friends already. I fibbed. Again, Sunday morning lazy time is very precious.

I thought if I am going to that particular mall, I may as well go to the stores, and do, you know, some shopping type of thing. At this point I have to tell you guys something about me. If I have to get somewhere at say 7, I start getting antsy at 5. I will start planning and timing all my moves, and I will get very impatient.  I have this crazy thing to reach anywhere on time and I end up reaching way before time. So I thought I will reach by 6, which will give me enough time to park, and check the stores out before meeting him at 7. I left at 5.30(thanks to the anxiety of reaching on time!) and I reached at 5.45. Meh. I got so bored so quickly. And it was 6.56 and I though okk, he will be here soon, thank God. But, he texted just then that he is leaving, and will be there in 10 minutes. Meh again.

So we met in front of a carousal where I was sitting and he came over. He gave me a one arm hug and we sat there for 5 minutes talking, and then proceeded for dinner. He ordered at the counter for both of us, and this time I shamelessly let him pay. And this time, I did pick the right thing that I wanted, and I did not have to stare at his food with greed. *Mr. Un-Engineer, I did offer him my food to taste, and he politely declined, but did not offer me his. So your advice failed.* We spoke a lot about work and general. I learnt that he mostly eats take outs for dinner, he was brought up as a vegetarian but had to eat mystery meats in Japan during a work trip, and that he has been to Universal Studios 5 times in 4 years with different family members each time and friends.

The grossly sloppy person that I am, I dropped a noodle from my soup on my jeans, I suspect right on my cr#tch. I am hoping he wasn’t looking. And since I am on a minimum carb diet right now(beach season is coming!), I ordered my food on a bed of kale instead of a bun. The whole time I was insanely worried that I have green pieces stuck on my teeth. Sheesh. That’s why I can’t order burgers, noodles and salads during meetings. My dad and my friends say I need to learn to eat. I had a chance to go to the NDA Ball when I was in Bachelor’s, and Ani and Ne were refusing to let me go unless I learnt to eat properly.

Anyways, I thought we had been eating for a long time, but it was just 35 minutes or so. We started walking around the mall when he asked if I wanted to see Byomkesh Bakshi, the movie. I did want to, but the show was so late at 9.40 pm and I was so sure I would doze off. Also, dark movie theaters with a relatively new person, is something I want to avoid. I don’t have a clean history with movie times in Pune , back in the days. 😉 So much so, when I was in India in January and I told Ani that I may watch a movie with a college ex, she screamed at me and said no. She is such a mom. I will try to hang out a bit longer the next time we meet, if we do meet.

So that was it. When we parted, he gave me what I described to Moo as a ‘full frontal hug’ that lasted 2 seconds extra than normally how I hug my friends.

But… But I just realised that during our dates, I was telling him all the stories about my goofiness at work, and stupidities and he was laughing a li’l bit. But there was nothing he said that made me laugh. And I am so easy about laughing! Shawn says it doesnt take much to crack me up! I only fall for guys(and have previously in all my relationships) who can send me into peals of laughter, with eyes watering and where I can say the silliest things and get the silliest things said to. Really lame jokes are my lifeline. I cant even explain how the xBF’s humor was. It was a cross between extreme rudeness and insults and lame jokes. Abhi hopefully remembers it well. It is not a comparison, but just what I like in a boy.

I did walk back to my car smiling a little bit. But I am still waiting for the guitars and the violins.

When she talks about your vague Eat, Pray, Love aspirations:

PS : Mindy Kaling is my soulmate.

43

Dating tales : Boy 2

This guy got back to me on Tinder with an excited(I think) ‘Finally a mechanical engineer on tinder!’ So that was nice, because it is so rare to run into a mechanical engineer in real life, except at work of course, that when you see another person from opposite sex, it is another level of hormone driven crazies. After chatting a bit on Tinder, he sent me his phone number to talk on whatsapp with the cutest message. ‘Here’s my number, in case there is an internet outage tomorrow :)’ That was just too cute! He had asked me about meeting twice on two different weekends. But once I had a wedding reception, and the next weekend, I had a severe bout of the lazies and I fibbed that I was out on a work trip for that Saturday. Yes. I am THAT lazy.

So finally, I asked him on Thursday if he wanted to meet on Friday. He said he would love to, but if we could make it on Saturday it would be better. He had told me that he was working till late and was swamped at work. I said that was fine. This time, I let him pick the place. We had decided on meeting for brunch on Saturday. He texted me back on Friday noon with a nice place for Brunch. The only thing I had told him was that I am a vegetarian, and he sort of surprised me by saying that he was one too. A couple of brownie points to him for that. 🙂

Now we had decided on meeting at 11 am. I am the quintessential good girl who is crazy punctual with time, and so I was there at 10.45 am. I just sat in my car in the parking lot listening to the radio. Then I got a text from him that he will reach by 11.10 am. I said sure, but inwards I groaned about my habit of reaching early and then having to wait extra for people. 

So he reached and we finally met. He was quite well dressed in a black polo T-shirt and dark blue jeans. I gave him a mental tick mark. Just like Boy #1, I felt he was only a couple of inches taller to me! Strangely, at my 5’3.75” I was starting to feel, errr, quite tall. That 0.75th of an inch is very important. Now, the xBF was an inch shorter than me. He came from a genetically tiny family where most of them average around 5’2”. But since I knew him for a year and then fell for each other, it did not matter. But with online dating apps, I think physical appearance becomes more important for that first impression. Sounds shallow, but it is true. This boy also fulfilled a very important criteria. He had good lips. *hides face and blushes deep red*

We went inside the Café and ordered our food. Again, I ordered waffles that I absolutely love, but wanted his order of spinach omelet, hash browns and toast. God should somehow automatically send me a boy who will offer to share food right away. That will be my perfect someone. So, we were talking and eating. I could tell that he was really nervous! His hands had the slight nervous tremble going on, and I could just see how he was struggling to make his words sound not quivering. That was strange. We spoke about shows and movies. I made a stupid mistake of saying how I had to watch two of the Fast and Furious movies because of then ex-boyfriends, and he sort of did a ‘Who? Ohh’. I am not entirely sure what the double take was for. We spoke about work, cursed our thesises(thesisii? Theses??), spoke about how awesome California is and our times in India. He has lived only in Vizag all his life before moving to Texas for his Masters and then to Cali for work. He is sort of a low talker. I had to go ‘Whaaat?’ or ‘Pardon’ a couple of times. He is not into dogs(boo hoo!). When I said how I love dogs, he said that he, err, is not too much into them, but like, cares for their wellbeing(?!?), and finds them all right. Haha, I found that too funny!

Now comes the crazy part. After we were done eating, he said that somehow we had finished our food too fast. He asked if I was interested in going to the beach. Although, both of us were in jeans, I said yes nevertheless. We walked to our cars and I told him I will be back after dropping something in my car. When I got back, he told me his car wasn’t starting! He tried a couple of times, and the car just wouldn’t budge. Very awkward. I offered to help him jumpstart using my battery but there was no open parking spot around him. Sheesh. He very sheepishly said that we could go in my car. I said alright and off we went to the beach, on a wild goose chase to find parking on that lovely, spring, beach-kind-of-day. We drove 15 minutes to get to beach number 1, Laguna beach, and spent 115 min weaving in and out of parking lots. We got out a couple of times because the rate was too high. Next we went to Crystal cove, and again, we entered a lot, saw that we would have to pay pretty much $15 for a few minutes and he asked me to take a U turn. After getting out on the road, when I asked him what to do now, he mumbled that we should maybe try to start his car. Hehehe. So off we went back to the Café. This time we found a spot open next to his car and I took out my jumper cables. We connected our engines(our hearts? Rofl!) and his car finally started. I was pretty much the man on the date according to my buddy Shawn. The battery had a disgusting deposit around the positive terminal that he had to wipe out first before I let him connect it to my car terminals. I was really worried about making a mistake and blowing up my sweet Elantra in the process! Anyways, after that we said bye, and oh, we had a bye-bye hug, unlike the stupid wave I gave boy #1 last weekend. So, that was it. 

He texted me on Sunday that it was nice seeing me. His car stalled a couple of times going home as well, and he spent 3 hours with the battery, alternator, bleach and YouTube videos making it work. While, I spent my Sunday, celebrating Easter, drinking two wines at a time and stuffing my face with Tiramisu cupcakes.

  

31

Dating tales : Boy 1

As promised earlier, I am going to blog about the guys I meet for dates. Let’s see if this is a lone star or turns into a series. 

I met a guy from Tinder last Saturday. The way we met, I am not even sure if I can call it a date.

I had to ask his number for whatsapp, after two weeks of tinder chatting. I firmly believe he should have done it, feminism-sheminism. But he made me do it and I am not too happy about it. We spoke on whatsapp on the day of the meeting and decided to meet at Corner Bakery for lunch, in a mall that is pretty much my watering hole. There is something about malls that makes everything so convenient. If you don’t know what to do, just head to the mall. Something WILL come up. It is fascinating to see the different levels of shopping people show. I find it equally amusing that the Rolex store is perpetually empty. Only 4-5 very well suited guys waiting around for invisible customers. In fact, that entire wing housing Rolex, Dior, Tiffany, Roberto Cavalli is usually not very busy. Anyways, I digress.

When Saturday arrived, I started to get extremely lazy. I thought to myself if I really have to go and meet someone, can’t I just keep chatting with people? When I was seeing the xBF, we were living together with roommates and we would spend most of our time at home, sprawled on bed, watching something together, just both of us or with Abhi, or talking to Abhi, or cooking together. We would head out a li’l bit on weekends. But that was it. There was eating out involved and date nights, but that was not too much work somehow. Now that I have been single for so long, the thought of dating feels exhausting. If I meet people on weekdays, when do I work out? And I can’t meet people after working out. My face is a mess then. I don’t want to wash my face, re-do makeup and put contacts on. Gosh. Too much. But weekends are meant to relax. Sheesh. Also, there is a weird guilt factor about even thinking about moving on. I am missing the xBF like crazy.

So, I reached the café and I saw him standing in the line. To be honest, I had reached 10 minutes early, as usual, had peeped inside and walked into H&M to kill time. I even picked out a top mentally that I bought later after saying bye to him. I went and said hi to him. A li’l dark, glasses, not too tall, loose black shirt, grey/brown pants and brown suede shoes. He had a very grey aura to him, maybe because of his clothes. Nothing too special.

I ordered a pretty meh sandwich that I later wished I hadn’t, and he had pancakes and scrambled eggs, that I wish I had. Point to be noted, we paid for own food, like I prefer. It is a self service sort of place where you order and they get you food. He had asked for his food without bacon and yet they seved him that. He, without a fuss, asked for an extra plate, removed the bacon and ate rest of his food. That was nice. I, err, would have created a small amount of fuss.

Now what did we talk about? We spoke about cricket, food, living situations, Pune and Bangalore. He has never seen anything except South of India, but says his family and friends have. But he has covered 26 states in USA and wants to cover all 50. That was not too bad. He mentioned how he likes to cook but doesn’t do it everyday. He is an early riser. He plays cricket every weekend at 7 am. I wake up at 10.30 am every weekend, unless I have to be somewhere. I was making jokes, and telling him how goofy I am. He seemed to be a simple, serious Bangalore boy. I was atleast 6 times more animated than he was.

That is all I remember from our conversation. It was quite vanilla. Normally I like vanilla, but I was disappointed that I did not hear any bells or guitars in my head. 

We walked over to the parking lot together and he said it was nice meeting me and we will hang out again soon. I said sure and did a little wave and went away to my car. I did not give him a bye-bye hug that I give all and sundry. My buddy Shawn asked if anyone leaned in for a kiss and I chastised him by saying we are Indians, we don’t do that. We both chuckled at my statement and then cried at the possibility of me being #foreveralone.

PS : My friend Anh says I should have gone to a better sit down place, and should have let the guy pay on the first date. 

34

Idiocity of the idiot box

Everybody who knows me even a li’l bit, knows that I am a major tv buff. I can watch just about anything. I watch so many daily soaps and if I cant watch them, I will read written episode updates. Yes, I am that bad. Although watching TV has reduced now. I prefer reading the updates at lunchtime and I watch American tv series it night during dinner. If Bigg Boss is on, then, well, Bigg boss during dinner. 😀

In 10th and 12th, during mandatory board-preps-cable-cutting time, I made a giant fuss about it all happening! But did it deter my tv watching? Nope, sir. I switched to watching crap on Doordarshan. Moo and I still sing ‘Sabka pyara, Nandu apna’. I still remember shows like Miss India, Kadambari, Aankhein, Kunti, etc. They were legendary to say the least! Hehehe.

You should see my mom when she watches tv. She usually hates the heroine for being miss goody two shoes. She used to get so agitated while watching Balika Vadhu at Anandi. She calls her super stupid and ‘ekdum thandi’(cold). Specially the first adult Anandi. It looked like she was sleep walking and talking.

The whole reason that my mom and I get mad at serials are the very regressive portrayals of women and society. We did not have cable tv till my 6th standard I think. But there were some amazing shows on Doordarshan Metros and cable tv alike that showed women to be strong willed and independent. Hasratein was an example where a woman goes after an affair and breaks her marriage. Saans showed a woman gathering her life again and tying up all the loose ends after her husband has an affair. She never took him back, rather lived quite independently. Tara had the protagonist going for the kill and so did Shanti and Swabhimaan. The women knew what they were doing and they did it with full conviction. Moral policing be damned!

Then came the era of Tulsi Virani and Parvati. Oh god! How annoying were they! ‘Self-sacrifice for the betterment of happiness’ was shown to be a virtue and a way to win the husband back from the 2nd or 3rd vamp. If a woman cannot be a mother, it is pretty much the end of the world. The 2nd bahu of the house who is ambitious and career oriented is the one who breaks the house till the badi bahu weeps buckets of salt water and teaches her how parivar is what matters and not career.

That crap is still going on with rubbish like Uttaran, Pavitra Rishta, etc. I hate Pavitra Rishta! It is the worst show ever! The women are shown to be such sacrificial lambs who willfully sit on the stone and beg to be killed. No spunk at all! Such weaklings. Uttaran is way worse because the stupid heroine LOVES to hide things from her husband and decided to take all the pains of the world on herself. How stupid is that! I don’t understand why is sacrifice shown to be so important! Why does a woman have to keep family happiness on top, to be genuinely happy? Why would you want to be part of a family that will be happy only if you squash what you want to do? They are sowing superstitious things like walking on hot coal to the temple 108 times, or doing a headstand overnight praying to god, will lead to a baby being conceived. Oh God! Is this 1938 or 2014? Akshara from Yeh rishta was willing to sacrifice her life because she wanted to risk giving birth to her second baby. Stupid woman seemed to have forgotten about her existing 5 year old. Diya aur bati hum is a step in the right direction showing the woman studying for and becoming an IPS officer with the support of he halwai husband, who goes against the family too and convinces them in the end about a woman’s dreams. If only, they don’t show her family interfering in her work and her having that confused expression ALL THE TIME, it would be pretty good. The xBF’s sister and mother had told me that they are liking that show, around 2 years back. I am very interested in knowing if they are still watching it and what are their thoughts on the woman being more career oriented than her husband. Hmmm…

It sucks to see such sad portrayal of characters on a medium that such a huge chunk of population watches. I know it’s just the tv but it still makes my blood boil! My mom cannot watch shows quietly! She will scream so many instructions/threats/abuses. They really really need to work on better scripts that have atleast 20% of reality. They should stop glorifying marriage, jeevansathi and motherhood for God’s sake. A woman can be a beautiful person inside out, but may not want kids or may not have kids. There is nothing wrong with it. There is no need to show the world breaking apart after a miscarriage or a medically necessary or even consensual abortion.. There is no need to show every single protagonist willing to sacrifice her life for a child. She might as well adopt another baby and help nurture a life. There is nothing wrong with a girl who wants to study and wants to focus on a career. This does not make her a mean person!

Sigghhh…. I have so many suggestions to raise the quality of daily soaps. But who listens to me?

33

Stereotypical me…

It is very easy to generalize characteristics about genders. We just assume the boys and girls we meet, to be a part of the particular stereotype that we have always thought they would follow. A lot of people hate that. I myself feel very proud of breaking certain stereotypes when it comes to family, customs, education, etc. The other day at a house party, a girl told me that she loved talking to me, and felt proud that I was doing something different than what girls are normally supposed to be pursuing for their careers. She was happy that I had taken the path less traveled. There are TWO female engineers in my entire company. A lot of people who know me say that I am a very girly girl, and doing a Masters in Thermal and Fluid Sciences is pretty bad ass for me. Heck, a lot of people did not even think that MS would be a good idea for me. My college roommate and a very close friend had told me, not in the nicest way, that she just doesn’t see me going into the technical side. This was 6 years back. How I have loved breaking perceptions!

My parents break certain stereotypes every day. They married when my father and mother were 35 and 28 respectively. They had me and decided that was it. An only girl, was very rare for those times. My education was always the most important goal for them and they have supported and encouraged me to give my best throughout. My mother tends to fall into the vicious cycle of comparisons and disappointments, but my father stands strong for me. My marriage is not the most burning issue in our lives, but my emotional, physical and financial stability is. That is how it should be. You have read about my father’s views in the Guest Post he had written for my blog.

I came across this new matrimonial site called trulymadly.com which made me think a bit.

But, just for kicks, I want to think about how stereotypes can exist and pretty vividly. I have many signs to show that I am an only child. I have so many symptoms of a kid who got bullied in school. I have most of the characteristics of being a GIRL! So, I want to list down some of the stereotypes that I fulfill, of being a girl, or a Desi at heart, or a new graduate in her twenties.

  1. I love the color pink.
  2. I love new and pretty clothes.
  3. I want to be a part of the corporate rat race and do well.
  4. I was a part of the class rat race, and did alright at the end.
  5. I am an ‘NRI’ and I do like USA, India, heck, all countries. I have become more patriotic and vocal about India, after coming here.
  6. I have fat glasses, and I do watch a ton of TV and read a lot. So according to all aunties, that is the reason I have glasses.
  7. I was never athletic. I am the girly, arty, poetic, music and dance kinds.
  8. Every time I come back from India, I get two bags full of nashta and spices.
  9. Every time I go and visit home in India, I take tons of lotions and perfumes. 😀
  10. I flirt. Quite a bit. Twirling my hair, batting my eyelids and all that. Well, depends on the audience.
  11. I cry when I see anything cute. Like, YouTube videos of puppies and kittens. Not babies. I cry during most movies.
  12. I bitch and gossip.
  13. I am a freebie and sale lover.
  14. I am very touristy, along with loving traveling.
  15. I am mortally afraid of creepy crawlies.